I've mentioned my experience with anxiety before, but I didn't really touch on how others can greatly impact me. I've never been open with how I feel, which makes it difficult for others to understand me. I've been fortunate enough to have friends that have been sensitive toward my needs as I've begun to explore this aspect of my life. But that hasn't always been the case.
I've only just recently admitted that I have some sort of anxiety disorder, though not formally diagnosed. The reason behind this has a lot to do with my own family's refusal to admit something was and is wrong. I don't blame them for not knowing the signs. They're not psychologists, but their insensitivity has and continues to make seeking professional help a difficult step for me.
Being a very stubborn person, I'm reluctant to admit I can't handle my own problems by myself. I'm simply not emotionally or mentally ready to seek help because it's such a big step.
Still that doesn't mean that anyone has the right to tell me to get over it. I can't. I promise no one wants to have any kind of disorder. I don't like not being able to talk to new people, order my own food, go to parties sober, or having panic attacks over doors that won't open. I can't control how I am.
It doesn't help to have all that thrown in my face.
I recall many occasions where my own family berated me for not being able to control my anxiety. On one occasion my mother wanted me to order food for her at a place I'd never been. A simple task but the mere idea made my heart race. I tried my best to convince her to go to our usual place, but it didn't work.
I knew she was getting frustrated when I made her pull over so I could examine the menu to know what to say. I desperately tried to figure out how to word her order but almost broke down when she pulled up to the intercom. I was so close to tears that she finally had to drive away without ordering anything. I felt so relieved yet ashamed as she yelled at me for not being "normal," for being "lazy" and "inconsiderate",
It still hurts to recall this event, but I couldn't explain anything at the time. All I could say was that I just couldn't do it.
Even though I'm surrounded by friends that understand the fact that I can't do certain actions, there are times when my family still doesn't understand that I can't handle certain situations. I try to explain myself and educate them, but it's like they don't seem to believe me.
If you truly care about someone, and they're telling you that they need your help, believe them (yes, I'm calling out my family). If you truly care about someone, do not yell at them for their disorder.
They already know something isn't right. They already struggle with the anxiety of being rejected by others. Don't reaffirm their belief that they'll be rejected for something they can't control. They can't handle another voice telling them they're broken. So take a step back and try to understand that your person needs support.
Don't be a jerk is basically what I'm getting at.
