I've spent my nineteen relatively short years on this planet truly believing that no one would ever really want to do me wrong or cause me harm intentionally, apart from a select few who maybe just had a bad day. But I've always gone through life trying to have the best intentions in mind for others in hopes that they do the same for me.

But, if I honestly had to name my number one arch nemesis, it would be whoever created transition lenses for glasses- or just transition lenses in general. Maybe I'll let the creator off the hook while I verbally destroy their invention.

(Note, I would not normally support the use of Wikipedia, but in this case, that's just how much respect I think the creators of this product deserve- none). The official name of transition lenses are photochromic lenses, or "optical lenses that darken on exposure to specific types of light of sufficient intensity." Keep the term "sufficient intensity" in your mind for later- I have a question about it. Typically, they are used in normal eyeglasses for daily use, and they become dark in bright sunlight but stay clear and normal in low ambient light.

Now, the sufficient intensity is a really vague term but I don't think there is a limit as to what threshold the light intensity needs to pass to make you, or at least me, look like an utter fool. What I mean by that is, Wikipedia says that the lenses are created to darken significantly within a minute...a MINUTE...of bright light exposure. Folks, that could be you just walking from your house to your outdoor parked car in your driveway. Additionally, the creators decided to humiliate wearers like me even more by designing the lenses so that they take LONGER THAN A MINUTE to clear back up. What kind of logic is that?

The scientist in me will concede that structurally, the conception of transition lenses is incredibly cool. The technology used for this includes the presence of silver chloride molecules or silver halides that react to light through a chemical process that causes them to change shape and absorb some of the light...thus darkening and ruining your whole look.

You want to know who the sadistic inventors were? William H. Armistead and Stanley Donald Stookey. They came up with this brilliant yet beastly idea in the 1960s, when apparently no one had any eyeglass fashion taste.

I first realized I had bad vision in sixth grade when I couldn't read the expo marker notes written on the board in my English class. I kept squinting, and I knew that I'd probably end up keeping that face permanently if I didn't get glasses. And so it began. My very first pair of glasses had transition lenses. My second pair, bought after I had apparently gotten more blind, I chose to skip on the sunglass option and just deal with the glare. And the third pair, I returned to my deadly mistake of getting transition lenses.

When I tell you that having transition lenses has been one of the biggest regrets of my life, I'm not really exaggerating. (Maybe a little, but not a lot). I truly despise myself for ever thinking that they enhanced my appearance or made me any more cool just because I had automatic sunglasses anytime I even looked in the direction of the sun. These lenses have, in my opinion, ruined hundreds of photos- so many photos. I just, I truly can't ever come to terms with how stupid I've been. I made my parents pay EXTRA for these ridiculous things, and here I am, just bashing them. Sorry mom and dad. I wish I had known sooner.

No, I wish I had been TOLD sooner that transition lenses aren't cool unless you're under the age of six or over the age of fifty. That's when they really suit you. Any other age and you end up looking like a knockoff version of Robert Downey Jr. Maybe, just maybe, the lenses turning dark can be bearable if your actual frame looks nice. But of course, I chose the thinnest frame available to me at a low cost in the Walmart Vision Center. And this is the disastrous result of my fatal mistake.

I

cannot

believe

that

So

I

have

done

Many

this

to

myself

Ruined

for

seven

whole

Pictures.

Oh, there's more, don't worry. The next few pictures are from my Summer 2018 trip to Melbourne, Australia. Look at how many pictures I ruined. Of course, my next genius idea was just to wear the glasses on top of my head, as if they're really sunglasses. In doing that, I made myself look ridiculous in two ways. Enjoy.

years

of

my

dang

life.

What's

wrong

with

me?

Help.

You get the gist. But you agree with me right? I grew a little more conscious of them in senior year of high school and now, I really try to wear contact lenses when I can. The only problem with that alternative is that I always feel like I have to wear more medium-intense eye makeup when I have the contacts in. Otherwise, my brain imagines that I look like a real-life version of a Walking Dead zombie with sunken eye sockets and dark dark dark eye bags.

So if you ever see me around, either on campus or not, and I don't have glasses, while it's probable that I might have contacts in, it's way safer to assume that I have shoved my transition lens glasses into a pocket while I walk outside, just so that they're still wearable once I get to my indoor destination. This is also a very probable reason why I might not recognize you from farther than ten feet away, so bear with me. And I probably won't wave at you. You might wonder why I haven't gotten a new pair yet. Well, for one, my prescription hasn't changed much in the past year, so I'm honestly fine with the current ones apart from the design aspect we have discussed so far. Another thing is that I did drop my glasses down the elevator at the UGA Science Library in early May, and the frame definitely snapped in half, and I definitely did this the night before a chemistry final exam and I definitely didn't superglue the frame back together.

Anyways, I hate my transition lenses just as much as you probably do. But I'm thankful to have glasses. I know a lot of people can't afford them or the eye exams to evaluate their vision. But I can still complain while wishing others well. Maybe...or maybe that's being hypocritical. Or just being a college kid. Either way, thanks for listening, or reading I guess.

here's some more really great pics

you're welcome.