6 Ways To Be A Better Partner To Your Trans Boyfriend
Swoon

6 Ways To Be A Better Partner To Your Trans* Boyfriend, From Someone Who's Made The Mistakes

Most importantly, be supportive.

190

Whether you started dating him knowing he was trans*, or he recently came out to you, you may still have questions on whether you're navigating everything correctly — saying or doing the right things at the right times and being the best ally and partner you can be.

I've been dating my boyfriend for over three years, and in that time I've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. If you're feeling confused or helpless, look to these tips to strengthen your relationship with your trans* boyfriend.

Let him vent.

Someone who has faced dysphoria, social ostracism, or even backlash from family and friends is going to have a lot of pent up emotions. As his significant other, he'll often turn to you to vent these frustrations, especially if he feels he has nobody else to turn to.

The best thing to do is listen, be attentive, and be as sympathetic as possible. You may not know what it's like, but you can be there for him. It's a terrifying and difficult world out there for trans* people, and the last thing your partner wants is to feel alone.

Don't try to overcompensate.

Most likely, your trans* boyfriend is going to feel highly uncomfortable with you saying "You're so handsome and manly" all the time and he'll especially dislike you saying things like, "You look like a cis man." Chances are saying things like this is only going to make him feel even more othered than he already does. If you want to validate him, try doing it more subtly and naturally, not like you're trying to prove to him or yourself that he's "manly" enough.

Ask questions if you're feeling confused.

There can be a lot of questions swirling around your head that you're afraid to ask about either because you don't want to offend him or you don't want to sound uneducated. Obviously, not all trans* men are the same, so different guys are going to like and/or be comfortable with different things.

For example, you may want to ask if he's comfortable with you correcting someone who misgenders him. Some would rather you did it than them, and others feel it creates an awkward situation. Everyone is going to feel differently, which is why communication is key.

Chances are, he's not going to see the questions you ask as offensive, but rather see you're trying to learn and be a better partner and ally to him, which will end up strengthening your relationship.

Don't always try to give advice.

If you're a natural empath or caregiver, your first instinct might be to find solutions to his problems or offer advice. The truth is, unless he specifically asks for advice, he's probably not seeking it. You don't understand what he goes through as a trans* person, and he knows that — he just needs someone to lean on.

Jumping to give advice can seem like you're trying to prove you know more about trans* issues than he does, and you may come off as condescending. Offer sympathetic and loving words above all else.

Do your research.

If you're dating a trans* person, it's important to stay current with inclusive and politically correct lingo, trans* news, etc. You want to not only be a good partner but a good ally as well. Though asking questions and communicating with your partner is crucial, you don't always want to bombard him with your mountain of questions. That's where the internet comes in handy! If you're feeling uneducated, don't be afraid to turn to Google — there are plenty of other people in your shoes.

Above all, be supportive.

The best advice I can give is to love your trans* boyfriend as you would any other partner. Support him, lift him up, and be there for him. Communicate with him and don't treat the topic of being trans* as taboo.

Dating a trans* person is really not that different from dating a cis person, but you may still have your questions and uncertainties.

What's most important is that you talk to your boyfriend about what he's comfortable and uncomfortable with, what makes him feel validated or invalidated, etc. The six pieces of advice above (that yes, my boyfriend did approve of) should put you on the right track of being the best partner you can be.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BxIKdnMHcGr/

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments