Dear you,

I used to not be able to say your name, hear your name, write your name.

It stung too bad, it made me cringe, and quiet honestly it made me want to puke.

You're a runner, and I knew that from the beginning. You run from your problems, and you run from anyone who tries to help fix them.

And I'm a fixer. That's a thing you know, fixing people syndrome. I like to invest everything I have into people to try to help them fix every single problem that ever comes about.

We didn't fit right from the beginning because it's impossible for a mechanic to fix an already running car, right?

But I thought things would be different. Everything was so perfect.

In the beginning, that is.

We spent almost every day together. Always laughing, singing in your truck, and making memories that would always remain in the back of my mind.

Your family became my second family, I'd hang out with them even if you weren't around.

Your friends became my friends, I even hung out with them without you too.

The internet says it takes AT LEAST a year to fall in love.

But I call bullshit.

It took me exactly two weeks to fall in love with you. And when I fell, boy did I fall hard.

I gave you my whole heart without thinking twice.

I think its good to have that type of love once (or twice) in your life. That can't sleep, can't breathe type of love. I think its good to be dumb with your heart once or twice because it reminds you that you're alive, you're still kicking, you can feel those raw emotions tugging at your heart strings.

I jumped right in and fell head over heels for you, and it felt like you did too.

But when you're in love, you are SO blind.

The worst part about the ending was it wasn't expected. I did not wake up that morning with any thought of an end to us, I didn't believe an ending was possible. And that's where I went wrong.

I'll never forget the image of you walking away that day, leaving me to gather my thoughts and get myself together.

But you're right, I'm not the girl you left crying in the park that day anymore.

I'm the girl who doesn't rely on anyone for my happiness.

I'm the girl who only does things for herself.

I'm the strong girl who doesn't lose sleep over anyone who isn't losing sleep over me.

I eventually boxed up your stuff and shoved it under my bed, and I began to breathe again.

I finally got a full nights rest, and I began to eat like a normal human being again.

The sting at the sound of your name or even your voice eventually went away. I can see you in a crowd and my heart doesn't drop to my stomach anymore.

The sun came back up and the world didn't end (but I swear it ALMOST did).

Heartbreak is a viscous cycle, but I'm thankful you broke my heart because now I've never been happier, or healthier.


Sincerely,

The Mechanic