Poetry On Odyssey: What About Now

Sounds of cars honking in the distance fill the air,

as I stand here all alone

with nothing but the wind catching my tears.

Forget what I said,

cause I can't take it back,

all I can do is place it in a bag,

zip it up and forget it,

but that's not how it goes,

and I even know that.

What about now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around,

cause there's so much baggage,

too much to show,

so I hide it,

like I did for the longest time with you,

cause I was afraid to show you,

was afraid that you would be disgusted

with what was hidden.

You used to tell me you loved me,

but I never trusted you,

my mind wouldn't let me,

so, instead I turned my back,

ran far away,

and wrote a book about you.

I hoped that one day God would bring you back,

instead you moved on so easily,

leaving me here in the mist

wandering what to do.

What about now?

Where do I go from here?

Just like my mind I keep wandering,

hoping that I'll fall in the right place,

but instead I find myself praying on my knees,

wandering what's wrong with me,

questioning everything,

and wandering what will become of me.

While you go on your own way,

I'll be here,

barely holding on,

readying myself for the fall,

wandering what will catch me

when I run out of space,

when I finally land back on earth,

cause I'm losing oxygen up here,

and can't breathe.

Even though I know it's time

to say my goodbyes,

my mind won't shut down or forget about you,

because there's a part of my mind that still wants to hold onto a part of you.

So, what about now?

Where do I go?

Because I'm all alone

and lost without a place to call home,

there are no directions for me,

so, I'll keep wandering through the mist,

maybe there's something I'm supposed to know

just quite yet.

All I can do now

is question how I'll ever find a way out,

so, what do I do now?