Break The Cycle
Start writing a post

Break The Cycle

Change your response, change the pattern, change your outcome.

Break The Cycle

I read a quote on Instagram recently that really stuck with me. Like it stuck to me like white on rice. I couldn't get it off my mind.

"Being afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship is a trauma response"

Oof. Why did this hit home, so hard? For me, I know why it's so clarifying. We all have a past. And mine sure did make me learn a lot of things. I learned what I wanted out of a significant other, and I learned a lot about myself. I was so conditioned to the idea that my opinion didn't matter. And when I gave it, it ended in a nasty fight that would linger for days. So I picked my battles and chose when the pain was great enough, only then I could voice my opinion. Can you say toxic?

Being afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship is a trauma response. Trauma seems like a heavy word. But it's pretty on point. If you want a different response, you need to react differently. That breaks the cycle. But those little triggers creep back in, confusing you if it's a red flag or just your previous baggage rearing it's ugly head back into the picture. When you are used to something for so long, it becomes normal. You don't question it much. But when you take a step away, you can see the patterns and the behavior. You can see that maybe that relationship was more toxic than healthy. That maybe that relationship taught you more about what you want for your future than anything else.

I like to think that even from the most painful experiences can come something beautiful. I had many in previous relationships. And while I'd never like to relive them, I was able to take so much away. I learned more about what I would put up with and what I deserved from a partner. It's funny how sometimes a little pain is all you need to motivate you. To leave the relationship, to quit the job, to find the new apartment, whatever it is. When the pain becomes so uncomfortable you can't take it anymore, is when real growth happens. And that's when you can break those traumatic responses. That's when you can create a new pattern. That is when you can see the growth in yourself.

But I think the biggest silver-lining is this. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship. And if you are afraid, do it anyway. We can have "traumatic" responses to anything in life, not just relationships. But how we respond makes all the difference. We don't need to let our past define us. We don't need to let our traumas continue on a unhealthy pattern. We have the control in our hands, to create a response we want. And most importantly, to create a life we want. Something may feel similar from the past. Like the saying "if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck.." but maybe it's actually a goose. Not everyone is going to hurt you the same way as your past. Not everything that raises a red flag, is in fact a red flag. I used to operate solely on that belief. I believed that if it was something that felt even an ounce similar to a past situation, I was out. I would react the same way and that was it. But the thing about that is, you can't expect a different outcome with the same reaction.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"
- Albert Einstein

I wanted a healthier future. I wanted to live a life where toxic was something I referred to from my past, not present. Yet I was expecting these negative situations to just vanish without any change on my behalf. You can't diminish trauma, and what you went through. But you can take it, grip it tight with both hands and squeeze it. Imagine taking a lemon with both hands and ringing it out to get as much juice as possible. Pretend that is your trauma, and milk it for every ounce you can get. Use that juice, to push you forward not bring you back. Let that be your stepping stones for an improved future.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

Be that change you wish to see in, YOUR world. You are capable of so many things. Changing your reaction, your future, how you see your past, is all in your control. And isn't that a beautiful place to be? To know that your past, is simply there to help guide you into a future you want to create.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Artificial Intelligence: the Upward Downfall

We are walking a dangerous road with AI


“Alexa, I want the truth.”

Keep Reading... Show less
Free-Photos | Pixabay

It goes without saying what July 4th symbolizes for Americans and undoubtedly its more important holiday. From parades to foods to speeches, all Americans know that it relates to the day when the 13 original colonies broke free of England, then ruled by King George III. A sometimes-overlooked aspect of Independence Day is bonding with family and friends. That is, after all, where my favorite memories were.

Keep Reading... Show less

How I Went From Pro-Life To Pro-Choice

"No one can make you do this."


I was raised in a strict, Irish-Catholic family. My parents and grandparents, even though I love them, instilled many beliefs in me that I came to disagree with as I grew older, things like "homosexuality is weird and wrong." I eventually rejected many of these ideas once I began growing into myself, but there was always one belief I let ring true well into my teen years: abortion is the murder of an unborn baby.

Keep Reading... Show less

Trip to The City of Dreams

In a city that never sleeps, with constant bustling and hustling in the streets, my friend and I venture out to see what the "Big Apple" is all about.

Trip to The City of Dreams

There are so many ways for one to describe the beautiful city of New York. It is breathtaking, exciting and alive all in one. Taking a trip here was absolutely the adventure of a lifetime for me and I'm so grateful to have gotten to see all there is to do in the "City of Dreams" with one of my best friends.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments