In my twenty years I have made one too many toxic friendships. I mostly out of necessity to cover the need for human contact and survival in my K-12 years, but I put up with too much. And if you’re anything like me and are easygoing, generally relaxed person who's too nice, you've been in a situation like this too. Some people may not know what a toxic friendship is. Basically, it’s kind of like an abusive relationship, only it’s a friend that’s manipulating you instead of a romantic partner.
Here’s some signs to look out for:
They constantly put you down, insult, and belittle you.
Friends insult each other now and then as a joke. But this takes it to a whole new level. They on purposely say hurtful things to upset you. This can range from saying “your clothes look like trash” to mocking you to under minding your accomplishments.
They snap when you don’t follow their lead.
They like to control and tell you what to do. Whenever you don’t do as they bid, they get upset with you. For an example, I once had a friend get mad at me because I didn’t want to play tag with her. The sad thing is this happened when we were seventeen.
They isolate you from other people.
They want to monopolize your time and attention. They hate it when you spend time with others. They may on purpose cause issues with your other friends in order to bring you in closer to them.
They only come when they need you to do something for them.
This occurs sometimes in toxic relationships. This person will not speak to you unless there is something to be gained from it. They will come to you, asking for money or to borrow a book and you may say yes because you’re too nice. And you’ll never see said book or money or other loaned objects again.
They are frequently flaky without a good excuse.
They frequently break off social invitations at the last moment. They may often lie about being sick, having a family member being ill, having a family emergency, or something else coming up.
They are overwhelmingly negative.
They constantly complain about everything. They do everything in this tumblr post, except it's sadly not in a comedic, sarcastic fashion. You feel drained whenever you listen to them complain about their issues. While it's important to be there for a friend, when they can easily get out of their situations, it's hard to pity them.
They can’t celebrate with you.
They are never happy for you. When you get into a relationship, they will be jealous and hate your significant other because your partner is taking your attention away from them. If you get a promotion at work, they will make you feel guilty for having money. Basically, if anything positive happens in your life, they will make you feel miserable about it.
But you don’t deserve that. No one deserves to be amongst the hands of someone who can’t fully appreciate what you do for them. You may hang around them because you hope they can change. You may even think that it’s just a phase. Unfortunately, I have bad news: Unless they seek therapy to ease their need for control and maybe narcissistic behaviors, they aren’t going to change.
The big question is, how do you get out of it? It really depends on the situation. But one thing’s for sure: It’s not easy to get away.
You’ll have to block them on all forms of social media. You will have to delete and block their number. Hope they never come back to your house. If they go really crazy and resort to violence, go with a restraining order. Don’t even be surprised that they use mutual friends in attempt to reach out to you. Just avoid them at all costs if you can. And if you can’t, stay a safe distance from them. And if they try to approach you and you have no choice but to talk to them, be as cool as you possibly can. Because you have better things to do than to be stuck with a bad friend.
