I first realized how much I disliked having my hair touched without consent when this lady came to me at a young age and touched it. She seemed so fascinated with how different it was from hers and without asking ran her fingers through my hair. I felt violated. I felt uncomfortable. Most of all, though, I felt like I was a source of entertainment. She didn’t understand how the beads stayed in my head and rather than asking, she reached right up to my hair.
Fast forward years later. After having individual and long braids in my hair another woman, on my job this time, came up to me and I could tell by the look on her face that her curiosity would lead her to reach up and touch it. I was unsure how to stop this from happening, especially since it had been a while since it happened before. Plus she was my coworker and one of the ones I liked. After giving it too much thought I was unable to stop her from touching a braid and once again, I felt that same feeling from years ago all over again.
I thought I wouldn’t have this problem anymore, but I was the type to change my hair often, so when I found myself in the situation with her again I knew just what to do:
“Please ask before you touch my hair.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry,” she replied shocked and apologetic.
“I understand. Just ask next time.” I replied with no remorse, and she never once again touched or even asked to touch it. There was no marveling or fascination; she understood how I felt and complied with my wishes, not that she really had a choice…
So, what’s the point of this story, you ask?
Well, it’s like this: my hair is not a source of fascination and entertainment for people to marvel at. It is not open and available for hands to be ran through it. That being said, I’ll usually answer “yes” if you ask before touching and I’ll answer any questions you have about it. I realize it’s unique and ever changing but it is mine, and you wouldn’t touch me or my belongings without good reasoning or consent, right? So when you’re debating on reaching up for the unknown terrain that is someone else’s hair, remember what I said. Here’s a little recap for those who are still a little unsure of my message:
Don’t touch my hair.
When it’s in braids down to my butt and you can’t understand how it can be that long when it was at shoulder length last week.
Don’t touch my hair.
When it’s up in a kinky curly fro and you’re curious as to how it feels.
Don’t touch my hair.
When it’s straight or loosely curly.
Don’t touch my hair.
When it’s red or ombre blonde or any other color for that matter. Just don’t. OK? Unless you ask first.
But just know, even then, I have the right to say “no.”
