As an Iranian American Jew who grew up in LA, I was fortunate to be surrounded by a lot of other Persian Jews (my cousins included) who grew up dealing with the same issues and views that I did. American and Iranian culture are different from how my parents experienced both, having immigrated to the U.S. from Iran during the Iranian Revolution.
My parents have a lot of great values and insight that they've shared with me over the years, and I'm sure they will continue to do so as I age with them by my side. They have always been supportive, and thankfully have tried to understand my views, even when they are 'Americanized' or much more modern versions of what they may hold.
However, growing up in America, particularly in Los Angeles of all places, what they are used to do and what many other Persians are used to is not always what corresponds with what we as a new generation encounter and find to be acceptable based on how we interact with our peers and the new age of social media.
Bikini pictures, sharing political standpoints or having too strong of a voice, being too pretty even if you're smart, wanting to being independent and finding your own way, and having different views than the family are all touchy subjects. America is unique in the fact where you can never be too modern, never be too loud, and never be too 'extra.' In comparison to how our parents grew up and what they may be comfortable with, that may not always be the case.
Trying to find balance between acknowledging family customs and views on certain things like love, career, and spirituality as well as how you personally view those things if you grow up with a more western mindset can be difficult if you are not on the same page. In fact, it makes you feel torn, no matter what your other culture may be. It is never easy trying to explore and figure out your own identity whilst trying to fit into the shadow of one that others expect you to adhere.
My parents more often than not have never been pushy or misunderstanding, despite when it comes bikini pictures (of course) and (weirdly) sleepovers when I was growing up. But this isn't my point. Even with supportive parents, feeling torn is something that sticks with you. Maybe this is because I'm young and exploring in my early twenties. Maybe not. And for any family reading this, yes I am still trying to figure out if I do want to raise my future kids as Persian Jews and what career path I'd like to take since stereotypical doctor or lawyer wasn't of my interest, but I'm not there yet so please don't ask me at the next Shabbat dinner I attend (because I unfortunately don't have an answer for you yet).
Growing up we just want to fit in with our friends and experience as much as we can. I will admit that I din't really appreciate my Persian Jewish culture and the things that came with it (other than the memes in the family group chat) until I was about 18. I had always tried to 'whitewash' myself and then 'persianize' when around family. It's not always easy to feel like you fit into both cultures but yet neither at the same time. And it's even harder when you feel like no one understands or gets what you're going through, especially when there's pullback from both friends and family, both of whom come from two completely different worlds. I grew out of that around age 15 and just realized that I had to stop caring and just be who I was, but for some people that pressure can be too much and that acceptance never happens. Even with acceptance of who you are and what you stand for, it can be hard to face all those people and the judgment that (may or may not) come with it because their views are different.
In the end, everyone in your life loves and cares about you, even if they don't have the best way of showing it. Your family will love you unconditionally, and the right friends will too. They will try to see your side and support you even if they don't agree or think the same, and you will come to see that you are not alone in your struggle. A lot of people who come from multicultural backgrounds face the same angst and tug from both worlds, and that's okay. You are apart of both, and should not be ashamed of either.
If you're feeling like you have no one to support you or that you're in a spot dealing with some stubborn people, just remember that communication is key. Often times, people are unaware or don't realize the impact of them imposing themselves into your life. Sit down and have a chat, and relay how you feel. Vocalizing can go a long way, and is the key to getting everyone to understand where each side is coming from. Be kind and considerate and remind others to be the same.
