Summer is officially here and that means the real reason for the season is upon us: Wedding Season. This means that it's time to pick out your favorite sundress, shave your legs, and practice your cheesy T-Swift dance moves. Here's a checklist for all of the things you're sure to see at the next shin-dig.
1. Trying to get ten times hotter than you actually are in what feels like five seconds.
Pretty much the second those proposal photos are taken, you know that its coming. Still you put it off and put it off until all of the sudden, its crunch time. You haven't seen most of these people since before your Freshman Fifteen! Not to mention the Sophmore Twenty! About three weeks before the wedding, you frantically bust out the Jillian Michael’s level of intensity but after about one week you realize it’s hopeless and pray to God that it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with some Spanx and a deep tan.
2. Your social media is about to explode.
Typically the social media posts are divided into two different groups: single and in a committed relationship. Your single friends are actively stalking the Instagram profiles of their potential plus ones, while tweeting about how much they love being single. Meanwhile, the Pinterest accounts of those who have been in a relationship for over two years are basically bursting with pins of wedding dresses to their “Someday” board. After the fifteenth picture of a wedding ring this week, you’re hints are officially subtle as a gun. Hey, what else is social media for, if not to make your followers painfully aware of your relationship status? No? Oh, okay.
The third and final use of wedding season social media is my personal favorite: drudging up embarrassing photos from the past. Honestly, what is the point of having embarrassing photos of the bride and yourself at homecoming freshman year of high school if you don’t post it the week before sending your best wishes to the happy couple?
3. Scoping out the hot guys that seem to be lacking in the plus one department.
At least fifty percent of the ceremony will be spent scanning the sea of singles from your perch in the back pew. It is a delicate art, determining their cuteness level with only the backs of their heads to go on, while appearing appropriately moved by the beautiful lifelong commitment ceremony appearing in front of you. True singles ninjas are able to do this without getting caught staring, which I have heard is super embarrassing (not that I would have any personal experience in the matter).
The other fifty percent will be spent obsessing over the knick in your manicure. I don’t know how but it manages to happen every. damn. time.
4. You will cry at some point during the day.
This is absolutely inevitable. These shindigs are filled with tear traps for emotional suckers like you. Let's face it, you are nowhere near chemically balanced enough to make it through the father of the bride’s speech, or the exchange of vows while the wedding singer blasts a power ballad. At the very least, you’re guaranteed to shed a few tears when you find out there’s no open bar at the reception.
5. Someone will have the same dress as you.
You’ll spend most of the month before scouring the mall for the perfect dress and will inevitably end up at White Girl Mecca, more commonly referred to as the Target clearance section. You’ll be feeling real good when the gods of sundresses shine down upon thee and giving you the perfect dress.
That is, until you show up at the ceremony and see that you’ve been betrayed because there is real-life Barbie standing there in your perfect dress aaaannndd suddenly you’re Mrs. Potato Head.
6. There will always be one overly drunk member of the wedding party.
This is probably everyone’s favorite part of the reception. This over-enthusiastic friend of the couple is pretty easy to spot, because as it turns out, anyone who downs a bottle of champagne with their dinner is sure to be tearing it up on the dance floor almost as soon as the first dance is done. It usually looks like an usher who has taken his tie, which took the bride hours in David’s Bridal to painstakingly pick out the exact right shade of ‘dusty rose,’ and tied it around his head and tore a hole in his rental tux; or it could be the bridesmaid who has decided that this is the ideal location to try out this wall-twerking phenomenon that she’s heard the kids talk about. Best case scenario, this ends with a mild head ache for them and an amusing anecdote for everyone else. Worst case scenario:
So ladies, hug your hug your engaged friends close and your humidity-defying hair spray closer, because in the end aren't we all looking for that someone that will dance dorkily with us at weddings throughout our lives?
