Everyone starts off January all gung-ho about their New Year's Resolutions. I'm going to work out more, I'm going to find love, I'm going to write a book, I'm going to love myself, the list goes on and on.
Then, usually before February, we slip up and then spiral into a sea of doom and gloom because we feel like wretched failures.
But do not worry! For every failed resolution, there is a horror flick that reminds you that even if you are not perfect, at least you never accidentally decapitated someone in a dumbwaiter.
"New Year, New You" (2018)
For everyone who decided to go on social media less this year and ended up spending hours on Instagram this past week, here's a jarring reminder of how nothing is really what it seems on the Internet. Sometimes, makeup tutorials conceal murderous intentions.
"Ready Or Not" (2019)
For everyone who wanted to spend more time with family, but ended up getting into a fight with their relatives. They may have lousy political ideas, but at least they aren't actively trying to kill you. With a crossbow. While creepy music plays in the background.
"Crimson Peak" (2015)
For everyone who promised themselves they were finally going to "find adventure." Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes adventure involves death, decay, and destruction.
On that note, you don't have to lead an interesting life to be an interesting person or a good writer. If you want to write a book or start writing stories, don't let your fears hold you back!
For everyone who decided to rework their personality. You are absolutely wonderful and you should never worry about being too loud, too weird or too whatever. It's the special little things that set you apart from others and will help your family figure out something is off when a doppelganger tries to steal your life.
"Pan's Labyrinth" (2006)
For everyone who said they would read more news or be more educated about politics. You'll get a couple good scares and an introduction to the fallout of the Spanish Civil War in this movie.
"The Guest" (2014)
For everyone who wanted to spend more time with a sibling, or whose sibling has resolved to spend more time with you. Nothing brings a family together like fear and a common enemy.
"It Follows" (2011)
For everyone who hoped to start off this year in a committed relationship and ended up spending midnight January 1st with no one to kiss. You're ex might be a douchebag, but at least they didn't give you an STI that manifests as a murderous evil spirit.
"I Am Mother" (2019)
For everyone who promised themselves they would spend less time using technology. Been there, failed at that. Next time one of your parents decides to make a snide comment about how "dependent" you are on tech, suggest this film. It's like "WALL-E" on steroids.
"The Awakening" (2011)
For everyone who decided to resolve their trauma and seek therapy, only to realize you can't undo years of issues in a few hours. This is, like "Crimson Peak," a better option for people who aren't big on gore or jump scares.
"You're Next" (2011)
For everyone who messed up with your partner's parents during the holidays. Let's be real. You're casserole might have been oversalted, but at least masked killers didn't crash the big dinner.
For everyone who wanted to "spend more time in nature" but hasn't left suburbia or the big city once this past month. Sometimes, the great outdoors aren't all that great.
"Black Swan" (2010)
For everyone who decided to try a new hobby then promptly dropped it. You might not have stuck with it, but at least you didn't teeter over into the point of mind-breaking obsession.
"Satanic Panic" (2019)
For everyone who tried a new fad diet or cleanse. Your body is yours to do with as you please, and elitist eurocentric beauty ideals are hot garbage. Warning, this film is not as cinematic as the others. It is a weird, gory fever-dream of a film with very unsubtle messages about class privilege.
Lastly, here is a movie for everyone who wishes people would stop trying to get them to come up with a resolution. This movie is an excellent reminder that no matter what your weaknesses are, they don't necessarily make you weak. Things may not always go perfectly smoothly, but you made it this far, didn't you?