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Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics

You won't believe you've never heard these festive tunes.

JT Cunningham
Dec 05, 2016
Hamline University
66
Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics
MowryJournal

Amazing that these hidden gems never got the radio play they truly deserved.

I Saw Daddy Hitting Santa Claus

The sequel to the classic tale of infidelity and the destruction of youthful innocence. With its catchy rhythm and even catchier lyrics, it’s a surprise this one didn’t make a bigger splash on Christmas radio.

I saw Daddy hitting Santa Claus/right by mommy last night/she didn’t know what to do/now that her husband is strangling her jolly new beau.

Baby, I Got a Restraining Order

Having those weary old holiday blues and need cheering up? Well, look no further than this 1965 gem. Now only will it remind you of that old girlfriend you keep calling and hanging up on, but just how toxic the relationship was to begin with!

Baby, it’s cold out here/I know, get off my lawn, Steve/Please don’t make me leave/I got that restraining order for a reason/please baby my balls are freezing/I’m calling the police/Okay, I get it, I get it, sheesh.

O, Annual Family Dinner Argument

Everybody has relatives that just love to spout uninformed political opinions, and this song perfectly captures just how uncomfortable it is to argue with a Trump supporter about how gay people, hispanics, and Muslims are people too.

O Racist Uncle Greg shut your mouth/Not until we shock the gay out/that’s just obscene/oh yeah, well check out my gun’s shining metal gleam! *gun shots are heard in the background, people scream, police sirens sound, and a paramedic arrives on the scene asking if anyone is seriously injured*

Ambiguous Winter Holiday

Written to include all races, creeds, ethnicities, sexual and gender identities, and religions, this one manages to capture that warm holiday spirit of the season.

I hate everyone on the earth/my only Christmas wish is for them to all fuck off/seeing everyone disappear gives me mirth/2016’s been bad enough.

Rudolph the Capitalist Slave

You all know the story. An outcast with a genetic defect is given the slightest hint of appreciation because he exploited his physical attributes to further the cause of free-market capitalism.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/saved the commercial season/now we ignore him completely/our prejudices aren't unmade just because/you managed to get our boss paid.
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