Generally speaking, there are very few differences between a barbarian and yourself. In fact, there is only one true difference between the uncivilized and proper people, and that is the development and exercise of manners. From my observations, there has been a decline in previously established courtesies and a negligence towards the establishment of new customs for new forms of communication. As culture continues to intersect with technology, so should our etiquette. Here are just a few tips – from the old traditions and the new – that should help you navigate the new realm of mobile manners.
1. Capital Punishment
From the moment I learned grammar, my kindergarten teacher taught me that I was important. In fact, I was so important that as a human being, my name held the same respect – the same potential as George Washington, Key West, Coca-Cola or even GOD. OK, definitely not as powerful as God. But we did share one form of significance and that was the fact – the honor – of being a proper noun. So why do people continually dehumanize each other by defying this grammar? The capitalization is there to signify respect. Now, should this grammar rule be misapplied to textual communication, it is a deliberate act of disrespect. If you choose to be a proper communicator with proper etiquette, you will utilize proper nouns.
Now, if you seek to be disrespectful, you can actively disrespect someone by de-capitalizing their name in your contacts. Using this tactic can bring you two steps closer to being the passive-aggression champion.
2. Dead Receipts
If you're likely to reply fast, use the read receipt. If you aren't likely to reply fast, don't use them. Oh, and if you are having one of those weekends that there is a possibility you might not make it to Monday, use them. Let your fans know that you're alive, otherwise five hours with no read receipt is a dead receipt. Cue the memorial posts.
3. Time-Sensitivity
If you want a reply within the next week, send an email. If you want a response within the next eight hours, send a text message. If you desire a response within the next five minutes, that's what phone calls are for. A "phone call" is something that has traditionally been used by older people as a means of communicating. Now, if you resort to this form of communication, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're old, it just means you don't have a lot of time to wait.
4. Acronym Apocalypse
The simplification of language into acronyms is primarily used by two cultures: the Dystopian novel, "1984" and the military, both of which involve, or are involved in, the development of the next apocalypse. Language is truly a beautiful thing, and as we continue to simplify it, we are closer to simplifying the world (into doom). While it may seem harmless for your Dad to reply to funny texts by saying "ltapsoyn", which stands for, "Laughs till a pea shoots out your nose," it just might trigger the end as we know it. Preserve your language, your family, your world: it's the decent thing to do while you text.
5. Put it on Vibrate
Alarms are the only exception to this rule. Phone sound is annoying in public settings. Be courteous.
