Many people I know are either in, or looking to be in, a romantic relationship. People spend much of their lives devoted to finding a partner who fulfills their ideas of what constitutes a happy, healthy romantic relationship, and because the road to finding this partner is often not only a challenging one, but one filled with painful missteps, it is no surprise that people want to share their mistakes and advice with others in an effort to spare them the same mistakes. However, each romantic relationship is just as unique as the individuals who partake in it, with each party having their own ideas of what constitutes fidelity, love, attraction, and acceptable behavior within the relationship. This uniqueness makes relationship advice some of the most difficult to give in a way that is constructive.
While there is no doubt that close friends certainly appreciate the ability to confide their relationship struggles and achievements in one another, I believe I speak for the majority of people in mature relationships when I say that I am beyond tired of seeing my social media timeline cluttered with memes and re-posted screenshots attempting to tell me what a “real” relationship is like. No two relationships are alike, and thus to act as if there is a “one size fits all” set of rules that determine a perfect and happy relationship is not only erroneous, but unspeakably annoying. I’ve complied the top ten most annoying (and completely real) pieces of social media relationship advice that will undoubtably push the buttons of anyone who knows that “real” and happy relationships look different for everyone.
1. “I shouldn’t have to say everything I want in a relationship to my partner because a real partner knows what a real relationship is made of.”
Expecting your partner to read your mind is a product of the belief that there is one perfect relationship and that a "good" partner is well versed in the universal aspects which make it up. Unfortunately, since this is not the case, not communicating with your partner is pretty much asking for disaster.
2. Real relationships don’t start online.
Every relationship starts in a unique way, and for some people that start comes from an online platform. The way a relationship starts has no sway over how serious the relationship can become.
3. A good significant other will never hurt your feelings.
Expecting to go through a relationship and never hurt the others feelings, even by accident, is not only unrealistic but unfair. Relationships are littered with moments when you'll end up getting on each other's nerves or saying things that offend each other, and that's okay. Loving someone through the times when it isn't all sunshine and roses is part of what defines a relationship.
4. In a relationship, there is only one proper form of texting etiquette.
I've seen countless bits of advice about the proper way to handle text messaging in a relationship, and most are contradicting. Should you let your significant other read your texts to show you have nothing to hide, or should they respect your privacy and trust you? Do you need to text your significant other good morning everyday to show you care, or is that too clingy? These questions seem trivial in the scheme of a well developed relationship, but countless posts referring to texting etiquette bombard my timeline none the less. In the end, different things have significance to different people, and there is no universal right or wrong way to handle text messaging in your relationship.
5. There is a right way to show your significant other affection.
Affection, like all other parts of a relationship, means different things to different people. Some value it deeply as a way of showing one another their love for each other, and others could do without the excessive touchy-feely. So long as both members of the relationship agree as to what is acceptable, and both members of the relationship are being treated with respect, it is not really any outside party's business.
6. You will never be able to trust a partner who cheated again.
The boundaries and definition of infidelity vary from relationship to relationship, as do people's tolerances for actions which overstep those boundaries. Additionally, each instance of infidelity is different and happens for different reasons. In some cases, forgiving and working through an instance of infidelity may be possible for a couple, and in some cases this simply isn't an option.
7. If you really love them you will never let them go.
If you love someone, sometimes letting them go is the best thing for both parties in the relationship. There are few circumstances when someone outside of the relationship can tell for certain whether the couple should keep fighting for each other, or let each other go. Sometimes the greatest act of love is letting someone go to that place where they can be happier, other times holding on through the tough times is the best way to show your love and loyalty.
8. If they really love you they will take you out and spend money on you.
Sometimes finding the money to take your significant other out just isn't possible. Additionally, different actions mean different things to different people, and some couples value a night of cheap rented movies together more than a pricey night out on the town. It is all about doing the things that you both value in a relationship.
9. A real relationship progresses at a certain rate.
10. You can make someone love you if you try hard enough.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do to save a relationship, and not everything is meant to be. Chasing after someone who has moved on is not healthy for either person, and prevents you from engaging in a relationship with someone who loves and appreciates you.
