One day, in third grade, our counselor got up in front of the class and had a bottle of toothpaste in one hand and a paper plate in the other. She asked for volunteers and naturally everyone’s hand shot up. I mean who wouldn't want to volunteer for whatever activity we were about to do. I waved my hand around but I wasn’t picked. I had to sit at my desk and be an observer.
Our counselor wanted the volunteer to squeeze out toothpaste onto the paper plate whenever she heard a comment that hurt her feelings. I was jealous that she got to freely squeeze toothpaste out of the container because we all know mom would have been so mad if I had done that at home. Our counselor made sure to tell our chosen volunteer that she did not mean any of the comments she was about to say but that it was just part of the exercise. So the counselor said stereo-typical insults like you’re a loser, you’re weird, and that she looked funny. With each comment the volunteer squeezed out the toothpaste from the bottle. Slowly the goopy paste piled on the paper plate until there was nothing left in the container.
The next part of the demonstration is what really stuck with me. She looked at the girl who had just squeezed out all the toothpaste and said “now, put it back in the bottle.” Immediately our class erupted. Even though we were little third graders we knew that was impossible. How is she going to put all that toothpaste back into the bottle? There is no way she could without cutting open the container and scooping it back in with a spoon. Even then there would still be a big mess everywhere. The counselor just stood there as we shouted and tried to discuss how this wasn’t possible.
Finally, our class settled down and she began to talk. “Imagine that the toothpaste were hurtful things you said to someone. You told someone that they looked funny or you just made fun of them.” She paused. Our class was in awe, full attention. I was sitting in my chair having my mind completely blown. “I want you all to remember that you can’t take back the words you say to or about others. Remember to be mindful of other’s feelings because once you say something you can’t take it back.”
I know that this exercise is silly but I remember that day. I remember really trying to figure out how the toothpaste could go back in the container and then, coming to the conclusion that there’s no way unless you get outside help. I remember imagining things I have told others that I can't take back no matter how hard I try. I'm not a time traveler nor do I have the Time Turner necklace to re-do whatever wrong I have done. I remember how angry I was that our counselor never told us that even though that toothpaste couldn't go back into the container, it's a mess that can be fixed. It's a sticky, gross, and a tough mess to clean-up but every mess can be cleaned, no matter how much toothpaste is on the paper plate, floor, or sink.
The words that we say to others have an impact on everyone, whether we intend for them to or not. But with every mess that is created there is the chance that it can be cleaned. There may never be a completely full and perfect container of toothpaste but it can be repaired.
