How long has it been since you last spoke with your mother? Maybe a few minutes ago, maybe a few days. Conversations with parents tend to be a regular part of your schedule as a college student, halfway departed from the nest.
How long has it been since you last spoke with your grandmother? Chances are it’s been too long, and I promise you it's time to give her a call. Not only will it make her day, but also, you could score some wonderful wisdom, which for college students, is always welcome.
Earlier this week, I began to miss my grandma dearly. It was time to catch up, hear some words of love and encouragement, plan a visit, and just talk to one of my favorite people in the world. Luckily (or unluckily), I was in need of some advice regarding romantic relationships, as well as friendships, and found myself speaking to someone I knew could provide me with better wisdom than anyone else. I asked my grandma, and here’s what she had to say:
“First thing I would say is pay attention to what people do, not what they say. If changing plans or not showing up when scheduled doesn't bother you, then it's not a problem. If it does, than you own the problem. Act accordingly. You will never, never, never change another human being – no matter how good, clever or convincing you are. Only they can change themselves and maybe they really can't or don't want to change. But you don't have to wait around, or be jerked around. Consider how many times you can be disappointed… once, twice? Take care of yourself. If you want to go to a party and you are not sure that person will show up on time or at all, then say I'm going at x time, with or without you. Or stop agreeing to make plans with the person all together. Sound harsh? Yup, ‘cause people tell you who they are, it is up to us to carefully listen and observe without becoming judgmental and angry. 99% of the time what others do is NOT about us. It is about them. What can you accept happily? That is what to focus on.”
Wow. Best advice I have ever received. For the next week, I decided to apply this wisdom to my closest relationships: my boyfriend and my best friends.
With my boyfriend of seven months, I quickly noticed that I felt much more connected to him and confident in our relationship when following my grandmother’s advice. Her advice helped me to reason that while I cannot change anyone, why would I want to in the first place? When I stopped focusing on the things that could go wrong between us and instead focused on enjoying him and our relationship for what it is (amazing) without trying to change things that are out of my control, I felt much more secure. It didn't matter anymore that he is a left-brained engineer and that I am a right-brained liberal arts student, it just mattered that he makes me laugh, and we teach each other new things every single day. The positivity that stemmed from this first application of her advice overflowed into other relationships, as well.
Next, I shared this advice with my two best friends. They were both very impressed (you go, grandma!), and as we sat and considered how this might apply to each of us, I became overwhelmed with gratitude. I realized I have the best friends in the world. No matter how wacky they may think I am, they keep on encouraging me, and they never fail to show up when I need them. We allow each other to come and go as we need, with very little expectation or jealousy, and serve as a constant support system. Though this has always been the case, my grandmother’s advice helped me to realize how lucky I am to have such mature relationships with my closest friends.
