Dear lovely girl,

When I was a teenager, I went through the most awkward stages of my life. I bleached my hair to the point where it turned orange, tweezed my eyebrows until they were thin lines of nothing, thinned my hair so dramatically there was no point to even having long hair anymore, and took diet pills because I thought I was overweight. Entering high school was the biggest obstacle for me as I struggled to find confidence and a place to fit in. I shopped at cheap knockoff stores just so I could pretend to have “the look” of money and own high-end brands that all the other girls were wearing. I tried the punk look, the girly look, the nerdy look, the thug look… but nothing seemed to fit me quite right. I didn’t feel comfortable in anything I wore because no matter the outfit or personality I wore that day, someone would always have something to say about it. I could never please anyone in a world where other people’s opinions were all that mattered.

When I was your age, I just wanted a cute boyfriend like all the popular girls had. I wanted to be invited to the movies, parties, sleepovers and be asked to the school dances. I was lost and vulnerable to the poor decisions of others who pulled me into their unforgiving life choices. I had a lot to learn about life but was too stubborn to realize it because all I wanted was just to be popular and be a part of the cool crowd.

To you, this may seem like the world you live in now, as it is all too familiar for the typical teenage girl. I’m 22 now and time has changed (thank goodness!). Although you may think the environment you are in now is how the real world is, you will be so happy to learn that the world you live in now will be vastly different in five years.

To the young girls today:

Don’t spend hours getting ready in the morning because you have no one to impress.

Don’t try to fit into the cool crowd… because they probably won’t be very cool in a few years. Their glory days are limited.

Don’t fret about the boy or girl that won’t text you back. If he or she really cared, he or she would show it. If he or she really wanted your time, you would know it. When someone cares about you, they don’t have to tell you. You can tell by the way they treat you. Don’t give them the time of day because they obviously don’t give you any of theirs.

Wear what you are comfortable wearing; styles change all the time. It is impossible to keep up with the latest trending fashion. And to someone out there, you will never be “trendy” or “fashionable.” Don’t be good enough for someone else’s fashionista standards, be good enough for your own.

Don’t post about your personal life on social media. It’s no one’s business and that’s how drama gets started. Get a diary. Write it down if you feel the need to express your emotions in words. But put it somewhere to be locked away for your eyes only. Don’t make it public for everyone else to get the 101 on what is going on in your life. It only adds fuel to the fire for the boy or girl that wants some dirt on you.

Don’t look to the influence of society for guidance in how you should look, feel or act. Live your life based on what feels right for you.

I hope you don’t tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you love him or her after two weeks. You are only caught up in lust and your soaring hormones. And chances are, this relationship won’t last at this age. You will meet someone in several years who will show you what love really means.

Don’t pick out the things you hate about yourself. Make it a habit to wake up every day and point out one thing you love about yourself instead. You talk to yourself more than you talk to anyone else in the world. Make sure you are telling yourself the right things.

Take pride in your intelligence. Don’t let someone bully you about being “nerdy” or a geek. You will probably go much farther than this person one day.

I hope you don’t cry over the party you weren’t able to go to. Parties are never as fun as people hype them up to be. They are most likely congregations of people being belligerent and making poor choices and feeling like crap the next day. You aren’t missing anything, I promise.

I hope you have enough strength to not hold a grudge over the boy or girl who completely screws you over or stabs you in the back. Have the courage to instead say “thank you for teaching me another important life lesson” and walk away. You will come off as being the bigger person.

Surround yourself with people who motivate you and are good influences. Don’t try so hard to fit in with the cool crowd. Because these people will never be your true friends. They care too much about their personal image to ever care enough about you.

Don’t spend too much time on social media, following models and celebrities. They only send messages to mold you to a certain unattainable image. You are beautiful the way you are.

Love yourself. It is so easy to get jealous of another girl for a million different reasons. Don’t ever compare yourself to another person because you will never be that other person. Just be the best version of YOU.

Embrace your passions. Don’t let someone else tear down what you love doing. You will lead a much happier life if you follow your dreams, not someone else’s.

Enjoy your time growing up. Everything is a learning experience. No matter how difficult a situation is to get through, there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t try to grow up too fast. You have a lifetime for that.

Give your body to someone who truly cares about you. Please don’t give up your innocence to someone who won’t care about you in a year or two.

Try your best to not give in to peer pressure. I know it’s hard during your teenage years when you are trying to figure out who you are but it’s okay to say no! You will feel a lot better about yourself saying no to something than regret saying yes to it. In the end, you will feel stronger and better than all those who didn’t have the strength to do the same.

Save your money. Don’t spend it on needless or unimportant things. Because after several years of working hard and saving, you will have the opportunity to dip into your savings and go on the trip of a lifetime and buy things that will mean something to you. You can spend your money on life experiences and get ahead while everyone else is blowing their money on alcohol, movies, games, etc.

So, lovely girl, please take these points to heart. And take it from someone who has been through these teenage years and didn’t follow any of these tips. I can tell you, being in my 20s, I wish I had. It would have saved me a lot of grief and heartache. Please do your best to take my advice and find yourself in a world that constantly tries to impose the wrong ideas into your head. Take it from this 22-year-old who used to be just like you.

Love,

Jamie