Today Was A Hard Day. It Shouldn't Have Been, But It Was | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Today Was A Hard Day. It Shouldn't Have Been, But It Was

A day in the life of depression

100
Today Was A Hard Day. It Shouldn't Have Been, But It Was
The Huffington Post

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

I woke up to a shining sun and chirping birds, but in my mind it was storming. The cloudless sky couldn't seem to overpower the thunderous thoughts swirling around in my head. I'm not sure what the thoughts were exactly, or why they were there, but they have a way of consuming me. There's nothing I can do to stop them. So today, a day full of sunshine and laughter, was a very hard day.

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

I only had two classes because my third had been cancelled. I saw the cancellation e-mail while I was laying in bed, and even after reading the message there wasn't even an ounce of happiness trying to creep in to my soul. Instead, I felt relieved. Relieved that I could avoid socialization for an extra 75 minutes today. Relieved that I no longer had to face a responsibility I knew I wouldn't be able to fulfill. Relieved that I could lay in bed for an extra 75 minutes, wallowing in the terrifying depths of my mind. I was far too numb to be excited about a class cancellation on such a beautiful day.

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

I only made it to one of my two classes. I sat through a 50 minute class lecture where I wasn't asked to speak aloud, converse with my neighbors, or complete an assignment, but it still managed to drain every drop of energy in my body. I was optimistic when I first walked through the door, however, once I lowered myself in to my creaky desk, next to my boisterous classmates, I felt sick. No one was looking at me or talking to me, yet my cheeks felt hot and my throat felt dry. I love the class, but I couldn't calm down the storming in my head, I couldn't focus on the lecture when my thunderous thoughts were lingering.

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

As I was grudgingly walking home from class, I saw two of my closest friends on the way to theirs. My friends waved as they got closer, and I waved back, but could feel the knot in my throat growing as I mentally prepared myself for small talk. I was in a dark place, but my best friends couldn't know that. I pasted on the fake smile I've perfected so well, and told them my day has been good when they asked, because no one wants to hear the truth. No one wants to hear that you woke up feeling numb from any sort of excitement or happiness. No one wants to hear that you only slept for 4 hours because your anxiety kept you up. No one wants to hear that you feel like you're trapped in a dark tunnel, and the light at the end only seems to be getting farther and farther away. My friends wanted to hear about the A I got on a quiz, and whether or not I was going home this weekend. It's scary how easy it is to hide behind a fake smile, especially when you perfect it enough that your best friends even fall for it.

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

I didn't have an appetite, but I knew I had to eat, so I ordered my favorite pizza hoping it would bring a little bit of sunshine in to my gloomy mind. It didn't. The first bite tasted like cardboard, and so did every other bite I took. I gave up on trying to eat, and decided to watch Netflix instead hoping it would give me some sort of escape from my own head. Even after turning on my favorite show, my dark thoughts consumed me to the point that I wasn't even processing what was happening on screen. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape my own mind. But, no one would understand that. So instead of talking to my parents, siblings, or friends about the way I've been feeling, I went to sleep. Even though the escape would only last a few hours, it was the happiest I felt all day.

Today was a hard day. It shouldn't have been, but it was. I hope tomorrow is a little better, but my thunderous thoughts don't seem to be settling down any time soon.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

These powerful lyrics remind us how much good is inside each of us and that sometimes we are too blinded by our imperfections to see the other side of the coin, to see all of that good.

125142
Every Girl Needs To Listen To 'She Used To Be Mine' By Sara Bareilles

The song was sent to me late in the middle of the night. I was still awake enough to plug in my headphones and listen to it immediately. I always did this when my best friend sent me songs, never wasting a moment. She had sent a message with this one too, telling me it reminded her so much of both of us and what we have each been through in the past couple of months.

Keep Reading...Show less
Zodiac wheel with signs and symbols surrounding a central sun against a starry sky.

What's your sign? It's one of the first questions some of us are asked when approached by someone in a bar, at a party or even when having lunch with some of our friends. Astrology, for centuries, has been one of the largest phenomenons out there. There's a reason why many magazines and newspapers have a horoscope page, and there's also a reason why almost every bookstore or library has a section dedicated completely to astrology. Many of us could just be curious about why some of us act differently than others and whom we will get along with best, and others may just want to see if their sign does, in fact, match their personality.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

20 Song Lyrics To Put A Spring Into Your Instagram Captions

"On an island in the sun, We'll be playing and having fun"

27767
Person in front of neon musical instruments; glowing red and white lights.
Photo by Spencer Imbrock on Unsplash

Whenever I post a picture to Instagram, it takes me so long to come up with a caption. I want to be funny, clever, cute and direct all at the same time. It can be frustrating! So I just look for some online. I really like to find a song lyric that goes with my picture, I just feel like it gives the picture a certain vibe.

Here's a list of song lyrics that can go with any picture you want to post!

Keep Reading...Show less
Chalk drawing of scales weighing "good" and "bad" on a blackboard.
WP content

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Hygiene Tips For All College Athletes

College athletes, it's time we talk about sports hygiene.

25864
Woman doing pull-ups on bars with sun shining behind her.

I got a request to talk about college athletes hygiene so here it is.

College athletes, I get it, you are busy! From class, to morning workouts, to study table, to practice, and more. But that does not excuse the fact that your hygiene comes first! Here are some tips when it comes to taking care of your self.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments