What’s wrong with me?

There’s something dragging me down which I just can’t see.

Every step I take feels like a mistake.

I feel like I’m about to break.

I tell myself “failure’s not an option. Not when there’s so much at stake.”

People want to help me but I have no idea how they can.

It’s hard to have a treatment plan when I have no idea how this round began.

I’m trying to fake it until I make it but I feel my shoulders giving in;

I’ve put my world on my shoulders and i’s becoming harder and harder to find that strength within.

My usual crutches aren’t working as well as they usually do.

I’m stuck in this vicious cycle of deja vu. How do I stop it? I haven’t a clue.

I stayed home from class today.

This feels like my own doomsday despite how much I downplay

The magnitude of my dismay.

For years the docs have told me that I have depression

But maybe that was just consistent pain from battling my obsession.

Because this feels worse than anything before.

My drive is gone, I feel empty. Everything feels like a chore.

Worse yet, there’s no method to the madness this time, unlike it’s been before.

I shouldn’t be feeling this way; my life is better now than it was months ago.

I’ve grown closer to my friends, I’ve moved on from the past. I have no idea what’s causing this woe.

"Fake it till you make it." Maybe that's a good plan.

Or, to fix it, would it help to go back to where it all began?

There are so many questions that I don't have the answer to.

I'm damaged from all of these scars that I have accrued but I must push through.

That being said, I'm tired of my lack of tangible progress.

I haven't really gotten better at dealing with all of this stress.

I'm sick of being pulled into the abyss.

I want more than this.

Saying I'm "still breathing" isn't enough.

I've only gotten so far by being "tough."

I want to be happy, with my life and with who I am as a person.

I want to get better rather than fighting something so it doesn't worsen.

I want to become the person that I believe I can be, the one that's capable of so much more.

I definitely don't want to be like this anymore.

I don't know how to truly change; I don't know where to begin.

Until I do, I'll keep fighting a battle in which I feel frustrated in my own skin.

I'll keep hoping for a brighter tomorrow,

and that one day, I'll grow

into a better person. I know that I can be so much more, and I just need

To push myself harder so I can overcome these obstacles that impede.