Before I was halfway pushed out of the nest and sent off to college to further my education and my dreams, my dad looked me in the eyes and gave me some of the best pieces of life advice I could ever pick up. One of which went like this.
“Whatever you do, do not get a boyfriend until after your first year of college.”
When that first processed through my mind, I was confused beyond belief. What does the thought of being in a relationship have to do with college? Was this some funny joke I did not understand?
Among all his life advice of doing my best and never settling for anything less, this one left me stumped. Some of the most focused people I knew were in a relationship and happy as can be. Some of the hardest workers were in love.
And then somehow it all kind of made sense. Every person lives a bit differently than the individual sitting next to them. Some people find their someone before others do. That’s all we’ve ever wanted was to find our soulmate and spend the rest of our lives being surrounded by them. To find someone compatible enough, influencing us to want to be the best version of ourselves and to do better. No one has ever dreamed about being lonely but you can’t rush greatness. Things take time. I would know.
As time goes on during my first year, I realize what he means. You can’t rush that four letter word called love. It means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll date a few people before we get the hang of it; before we find "the one"—whatever that means.
What he said could mean a lot of things. It could mean that I need to focus on my schoolwork, that I need to develop a few friendships and get to know people before I dive into something, or even something bigger. It could maybe just mean that I need to learn how to love myself. They always say that the first step to loving others is loving yourself. And it’s not that I hate myself, but maybe it’s time I learn how to love my flaws more than ever before. That you got to fall in love with how you smile and how you laugh before you see the beauty in everything else. That even the wrinkles around your eyes and there’s beauty in everything, especially you. It’s hard to see at first because you don’t take the time to search for it, but it’s there. You learn a lot about yourself giving it a try.
That’s why I’m writing this. Not because I’m exactly tied up in the thought of a relationship but rather I want you to benefit from the few yet powerful words I have heard. I want to pass on the wisdom that was sent to me.
Don’t rush it. Don’t overthink it. Don’t fret it. You rather wait for the right relationship then sink yourself into a bad one.
Maybe I don’t need to try spending all my time rushing into things but rather enjoy the moment and let life happen. To look back on my years knowing I made every day great rather than spending them on a hunt for someone.
Spending half your time wondering why you aren’t in a relationship won’t get you into one any faster. There’s nothing wrong with you. Often times, when you stop searching for that, you find it. The right person will come along and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. You do not need to be in a relationship to have the time of your life; to be loved and to love on. Remind yourself that you can’t spend all your time worrying about something that’s sort of out of your control.
Do things that make you happy and grow as a human being without worrying about finding someone to make you happy.
Your soulmate is out there, they just got stuck in a tree, or lost their map or something strange. But they’ll find you and you’ll be glad you took the time to love yourself while you waited, so that you know how to love them too. Take care of yourself. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.
