“If you could hear me, I’d say that our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we’ve touched”. - Remember Me
You should be here.
I would like to tell you that I’m sorry. I am sorry you are not here. I am sorry for your family and friends. I’m sorry you couldn’t beat the demons within yourself. Most all of, I am sorry you couldn’t see past 15 and 28.
I remember where I was, what I was thinking, what I was wearing, when I realized, when I really understood, that each of you had left this world. That dead meant gone, that it meant forever. I remember the complete anger and denial I felt, I remember the utter disbelief and sobbing.
And I remember the moment of forgiveness.
They say there is no greater loss than a life lost too soon. I tend to agree. I’ll never understand the thoughts that went through your minds in each of your final moments. I’ll never understand why you couldn’t hold on, for us. I will never understand your choices. But I guess that’s the point, they were your choices. Not mine, not the people who loved you most. I can’t change them and I cannot understand it. Although I cannot condone them, I accept them.
I accept that you are both gone and never coming back. But it breaks my heart.
I miss you everyday.
Thomas Edison’s last words were, “It’s very beautiful over there, I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere and I hope it’s beautiful.” Wherever there is, I believe you’re both up there, making it as beautiful as you made all of us.
You’re both gone now, but I guess that isn’t really the point. The point is that you were incredible, you made life better, your smiles were contagious, and your presence was a blessing that will withstand the test of time, long after you’re gone.
I’ll think of you.
When I hear the song my mom says reminds her of you. I’ll think of you when I hear the song we sang at our 4th grade talent show. I’ll think of you driving past your house. I’ll see you in your families faces. I’ll think of you every September 16th and February 21st. I’ll think of you every June 23rd. I’ll think of you every time my brother and his friends mention your name. I’ll think of you every time I pass a funeral home or see a graveyard. I'll think of you on the happiest days of my life and wish you had them, too.
I’ll think of you, always.
“Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore? If you were suddenly gone how would your world react? Whatever you imagined was wrong. There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love. I didn't know [him] but I'm jealous of him because I see how his absence has affected the people that did know him so I know that he did matter to them. And I know he was loved.” - One Tree Hill
