I am tired. Not just in the “I didn’t sleep enough last night” way (although that certainly doesn’t help), but in the “I’m tired of everything” kind of way. I don’t mean to sound dramatic when I say that, but you probably get what I mean.
I am tired of being hurt and watching other people hurt.
Tired of watching people get sick.
Tired of trying to carry the weight of everyone on my shoulders.
Tired of this messed up place that we temporarily call “home.”
I wrote this in my journal the other day:
“I’m tired. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I want to be enough. I want everyone to be OK. I don’t know what tomorrow holds and that scares me. I’m just so tired.”
As I continued to write my anxious thoughts, the Lord placed Matthew 11:28 in my head:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (NIV)
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. All you who are weary and burdened—come to me.
Another verse that came to mind was Psalm 46:10, that says:
“He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (NIV) Be still.
These verses hit me like a ton of bricks. On the one hand, I wanted more than anything to go before the Lord and give up all the things that I can’t control. But part of it was also frustration and fear. I was frustrated because I didn’t understand why, and scared because I didn’t want to face myself. I was scared because I didn’t know how to go to Him or how to be still before Him with these things.
I am so caught up in my circumstances and the things around me. When something gets too hard, I tend to distract myself and “move on.” But then, it comes back over and over again—the hurt, the burden, the desire for control. But the Lord brought me to this place, to a place where I could no longer be distracted, to really face what I dealt with. To be still before him.
What I found that day, with my journal and pen in hand, was a glimpse of peace. My pain and hurt didn’t all of a sudden vanish, but I was reminded that this isn’t the end of the story. In Him, there is rest for our souls. There is hope. I've seen the goodness of the Lord and he is faithful. He takes our brokenness and turns it into something to be used for His glory.
So to anyone tired, burdened, anxious, hurting, hold on to this:
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31, NIV
