A Note To The Single Girl In Her 20s

A Note To The Single Girl In Her 20s

Be proud of what you have done, grateful for this time in your life, and comfortable with who you are.
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Let me start by admitting that for a while now I’ve gone back and forth with the idea of writing this note, but here we are. Usually, these notes start with something along the lines of “you see all of your friends getting married and you wish it was you…” but I don’t feel like addressing that. Let me first start by saying that there is nothing wrong with being single in your 20s, despite what you might have heard from others and what you’ve been telling yourself. There is also nothing wrong with your friend who is getting married in her 20s. One life stage is not better than the other.

I know you don’t hear this often enough, but go you for everything that you are doing in your life since you aren’t dating someone right now. Maybe you have chosen to spend more time in this stage of your life focusing on your career (or planning for your career), or focusing on school, or getting more involved in a specific organization or club, or maybe you are spending more time with your friends. You have chosen to use your “extra” time to focus on other aspects of your life and even though other people don’t see what all you’ve been doing, that doesn’t negate it.

You haven’t been on a date in quite a few months, but in that time you got a really cool internship, met new people and strengthened friendships, and had time to focus on things that are unique to you. And you know what? That’s really great! Stop letting the little comments other people make about your love life take away from what you’ve accomplished or made growth in. Be proud of what you have done, grateful for this time in your life, and comfortable with who you are. Don’t spend the entirety of this time wishing it away because you have a lot of freedom in your decisions and time that you might not have later on in your life.

Don’t feel like you’re not good enough or that you aren’t where you are supposed to be at this point in your life because you are single in your 20s; dating or not dating doesn’t determine your success, worth, or accomplishments. I’m not saying you need to turn into an anti-boy scrooge who is obsessed with her career and is swearing off dating for the rest of her life, but also don’t try to be someone who is obsessed with finding “the one” right now and hates being single. Be content with where you are right now: take chances, enjoy being young and the freedom that comes with that, and be excited about where you’re going.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Quit Settling For A Good Enough Boy

And start to realize your self-worth

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Quit telling yourself that you are not good enough because that is not true. I have told myself countless times that I am not good enough. Sure, I make mistakes daily and I am not always an easy person to deal with. However, when you are looking for a boy you should NEVER settle.

If we are being completely honest I am the girl who has always played games, and I am not talking about board games. I am talking about the games where I lead boys on just to turn them down when they ask me out. I know this might not be the best quality to have, but the truth is commitment scares me and this is the only way I know how to avoid it. Most men do not stay around long when they find out that you are just playing games, and that you do not actually want to settle down with them. However, there is this boy who is not like the others because he stuck with me through all of the "games". It does not matter how far I try to push him away he is always right there with me.

Since we are being honest, there never has been a man that has kept my attention for very long. Except for this one that I met four years ago in high school. When I say he is like no other he truly is and he actually understands me sometimes more than I understand myself. I have stood him up on dates, led him on and I have left him on read countless times. Despite all the games I have played with him he is so persistent. I do not know any other man who would keep trying even after all the games I play. In fact he is the only one who did not give up on me almost immediately.

It does not matter what time it is or what he is doing he would drop anything just to see me. Like the time he was on his way to the baseball game, and he turned around and went home just so he could see me. There have been countless nights that I have called him, and he has always been there with open arms. One Sunday morning I was on the way to church and I did not want to go alone, so I called him up and even though he worked all night he still agreed to come with no hesitation. Even when he was hours away for his internship he was always a call away.

More than anything this is the boy who would do anything to see me happy. When I was in a toxic relationship he gave me the best advice. He did not tell me to break up with my ex because he wanted to date me, but it was all for selfless reasons like the most important being my happiness. Even though he wants nothing more than to date me he would give all that up if it meant that I was happy.

Since I am being completely transparent here if you could not already tell I am not the easiest to deal with. I know that I can be a handful, and maybe the same is true for you. However, just because I can be a little much does not mean that I should find someone who just tolerates me or just puts up with me. My point is regardless of the kind of girl you are you deserve more, and quit telling yourself that he is good enough when you know deep down it is not really enough.

I have always been a free spirt and it is hard for most boys to understand that. I have tried changing for boys and settling down so that I could have a relationship with them. However, this boy understands who I am and he still loves me for me. At the end of the day you cannot change who you truly are because the truth always has a way of coming out. Sure, you could try settling for good enough, but your boy is out there somewhere and when you find him no one else will ever compare. I promise that boy will always be better than just good enough.

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