They always say we find love when we least expect it, or when we aren't looking for it. For me, I didn't expect that a simple message on a dating site would lead me to the special person I love now with all my heart. Sure, the expectation is that if you are on a dating site you are bound to find love, but it's not as easy as people think. Especially if you have started to accept or believe that maybe you aren't meant to find love. I was one of those people.
All my life people judged me based on my appearance, even though I was a good person at heart. I am one of the kindest, most caring, most sensitive people I know. But it seemed that being a good a person wasn't good enough. I had to fit into society's tight box of how a woman should look and if I didn't then I would be deemed not worthy. And that's what I believed for a very long time. That I wasn't good enough or deserving of love.
My friends and family would tell me all the time that I would find love one day, or that I was beautiful the way I was, or that it didn't matter how others looked at me, but I refused to believe them. After all, I never had a boy show interest in me and people still looked at me and treated me like I was some kind of "other" thing.
So I watched as my friends fell into, and sometimes out of, relationships. I watched as boys I had crushes on as a child grow up and get into relationships without ever expressing how I felt. I sat on the side of the room at dances and watched as my classmates danced with their dates and I was there alone. I noticed how people took pity on me and pulled me onto the dance floor just to try to make me feel better. But it still didn't change the fact that I would never fit into the box. I was the girl who brought her girl best friend to her senior prom.
When I came to college I pledged that things were going to be different. That I was going to try to be more social and learn to love myself as-is. At first it was hard because when you've grown up thinking that you aren't good enough, it's hard to change that kind of thinking. But with the help of my friends, I learned how to start accepting myself for who I was. It took a bit longer for me to realize though that I would find love, but I did.
If you have given up on love because you think you aren't good enough, please know that you are. It's okay if you don't fit into society's little box. It's okay to be different. Different does not equal bad or damaged. Different just means you are unique. And unique is special because who want's to be normal anyway? And someday, someone will see the person you are and fall in love with your uniqueness. I know that's hard to believe right now, but it will happen.
If you've given up on love because you have been hurt in previous relationships by someone who couldn't appreciate you, please know that it wan't your fault. You did nothing wrong and you did not deserve to be hurt. If the person had truly loved you, they wouldn't have hurt you. You will find someone who appreciates you for who you are and who won't use you to their advantage. I know it's scary because you don't want to have your heart broken again, but when you find the one who treats you like you deserve, everything will be suddenly okay again. And just remember, not everyone is out to hurt you.
So if you have given up on the possibility of love, please know and trust that it will happen when it's meant to happen. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and until you find that person, be patient and love yourself. And when you do find love, let fill your heart and soul, and make sure to never let it go.