To the person who didn’t deserve me and had me anyways,

My life changed so quickly when we decided that we weren’t right for each other. At the very beginning, I was overwhelmed with loneliness. I was so lost because I had given myself to you in every way that I could have. You knew me for all of my insecurities and all of my quirks, what made me laugh, and what could put me in tears within in a matter of seconds. I became comfortable and felt safe with knowing that I had you. But now that I think about it, I rushed into our relationship for all of the wrong reasons.

I wanted so badly to continue feeling like I belonged to someone because it was all I had ever known. I would’ve committed myself to anyone who showed me the affection that I desired. I know that may be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. I committed myself to a relationship because I wanted to feel wanted and in the very beginning, I did.

Instead of learning to be happy on my own, I chose to give up so much of my time avoiding doing just that. So there we were; two people who shouldn’t have ever been together caught up in an ugly mistake. After everything, I do want to apologize for how mean I was to you, but I need you to understand why I was so short tempered.

I wanted you to be someone else, someone you could never have been, at least not to me. I wanted a best friend to share experiences with, someone who would support me through everything. I should’ve waited a long time to be with someone who could be that for me because in place of everything I’d hoped for you were irresponsible, rude and unable to truly connect with me.

You degraded me, and I am so embarrassed that I was with someone who made me feel so unimportant for so long.

You disrespected my faith and tried to make me lose sight of who I am as a whole.

You said and did things and even more importantly, didn’t do things, that made me hate myself. Knowing all of this, I continued to make excuses to stay with you so that I wouldn’t have to face being alone.

I knew you wouldn’t be the man I’d spend my life with, so I apologize for wasting your time, just as you wasted mine. You didn’t deserve to be the one who saw me when I struggled because you never appreciated the way I saw the world. I’ve always been so passionate about philosophy, religion, and politics, and all I wanted was to share my perspectives with you. All the while I was trying to make something of you and I, you were getting mad at me for interrupting your video games. You were the epitome of everything that I loathed, and I still let you call me yours.

The reason that I say you were so undeserving of me is that you constantly made excuses for why you treated me poorly. You tried to justify being inconsiderate and hurtful, always making remarks that further deprived me of any self-worth, to the point that I could barely even recognize myself anymore. You never supported or recognized my accomplishments and goals and you constantly tore my friendships apart, speaking so lowly of the most supportive and important people in my life.

This took such a detrimental toll on my well-being. And even though I was always there for you, you were too busy for me when I needed you the most. Not because you had any substantial responsibilities, but because you didn’t want to be around for the negative aspects of my life. It required too much effort and you weren’t ready for that. I mean, looking back to when I cried, you couldn’t even make an effort to console me. I started to realize that having a relationship no longer provided me any comfort. Instead, I felt trapped and as lonely as ever.

When we first ended, it was a really hard couple of days for me. I had spent so much time thinking you could be someone you weren’t, and I expected far too much of you. Now I know to never try and mold someone into something they aren’t. I remember telling you how wrong I felt with you, how I wasn’t happy, and you told me that you didn’t deserve me. I knew that you were right, but I still couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.

But after a few days of us being apart, I realized you were someone who could never truly understand me, never really love me. I have so much to offer the world, and I am more than a pretty face to look at, more than a comforting hand to hold.

You and I parting ways was the best thing to happen to me because the product was me falling in love with myself. I had so much more time to work on my academic career, to volunteer, and to spend quality time with my family and friends. I realized that I had missed out on so many experiences that I would never be able to get back. That’s when I promised myself that I would never be with someone for the sake of wanting to feel needed. I wouldn’t need that ever again anyway, because I was happy on my own and I knew I was important without anyone else having to tell me.

So yes, I do think you didn’t deserve any of me. But, I hope that you’ll grow and mature to become a man that can challenge someone in a healthy and constructive way. I want to know that someday you will make someone else feel loved and cared for. I hope that you can learn to take your eyes off of unimportant activities and focus on the life that you are missing out on in the meantime.

But more than anything, I hope that you will find the brilliant self-love that I did, and be able to build upon it to alter the way that you live your life in a positive way. Looking back, I lost sight of myself when I tried to love you. Although you actively belittled me and held me back, I let you do so. I take just as much blame for it all.

I hope that one day you will find someone that compels you to be a better man so that you will make the daily choice to love them unconditionally. I hope you treat someone so much better than you treated me because no one should ever endure the pain of feeling so alone and unsupported when they are with someone. Everything aside, I hope that you don't have to hurt someone else before you come to the same revelations that I have.

Don't waste your precious time, life stops for no one.