I will be completely honest, with every new year comes the inevitable cliche phrase of "new year, new me". I've noticed that once I have had the capability to leave people emotionally I tend to leave these people in groups, typically around the new year. Most of the time, these people don't even get a reason for my absence in our friendship, but I just disappear. This year however, the people I'm leaving this year are getting some kind explanation.
To the person I thought I loved.
There isn't much to say besides the fact that you're good at pretending to be something you're not. You played the field, and made more than one person believe that they were the only one. I loved all of our memories, and I only wish they were genuine. You took a shot to my self confidence, but that wound is closed now. I finally stopped saying I'm sorry for something I didn't do, but rather something I wished I could have fixed. And therefore learned the difference of being sorry and being remorseful because I didn't want you to leave my life. You made me learn how strong I am as an individual, and how much I actually can't stand people like you.
To the friend, I thought I had.
See, this one confuses me. I trusted you and I thought you trusted me. But isn't in the definition of friendship that you'll forgive each other regardless? I stood by your side when things got really tough for you, and the world was coming down on you. But instead, you tried to get me out of your life. I'm sorry that so much came between us, but due to the impending weight and strain I could see the holes in our friendship that I couldn't see before. I'm glad you moved on to better places, I guess you were too big a fish for my little pond.
To the people, who I didn't want to lose.
The people who left this world, and to the people who left me. To the people who are no longer in this world, I regret all of the things I didn't have the opportunity to tell you, you all held special places in my life, and you always will. I've gotten over some of your passing's, but a few stay with me and hurt me excessively. To the people who left me emotionally, thank you. It may seem sarcastic but I really do need to thank you. Mostly because you constantly make me a better person, and make me realize that not everyone can stay with me forever.
To the person I met by chance.
I may have met you by chance, but you stayed in my life by choice. You were my rock for some period of time during 2015, but as much of everything isn't permanent, you went to prove that. You said things and did things that meant the world, when I was upset you were there, and I could not thank you enough. But as of lately, it seems like you went from a rock to a pebble taken away by the wind. I don't have much to say, besides the fact that I wish things were different, and I wish I could've been something you needed in your life.
To the last person I have to say goodbye to...
Goodbye to the part of me I can't live with anymore.
It happens, every year I outgrow a personality of mine- which I think most everyone goes through. As a sophomore in college, I've slowly realized there are a few things that I cannot live with anymore, maybe not cannot, but will not live with. I refuse to be quiet about the things which bother me the most, I refuse to follow people and I will be my own person. But mostly goodbye to the part of myself which didn't allow me to me confident and comfortable in my own skin, it won't be easy leaving you specifically but I am determined to leave you behind in 2015, and making 2016 my year to show the world who I am.
Leaving is hard, but unfortunately it is something almost every human has to do at some point in their lives. It isn't who you say goodbye to, but rather when you've decided to rid yourself of that person. It isn't about loss, but rather about growth.
