In 20 years, I’ve learned a lot, along with experienced some life-changing moments. I’m not proud of a lot of these moments, but they have shaped me into who I am, for better or for worse. Though looking back, I do feel it was for the better.

One of the most difficult things I faced was when I was six years old; My father left. He decided it was better to be with a woman who was not my mother. No matter how old, I never understood why he'd do that, how he could think that. To this day I still don't understand why he'd leave his family for someone he hardly knew. Regardless of the pain and confusion, I did learn things, things that were crucial to making me into who I am.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for teaching me about trust. I learned that you didn't have to stick to your word. You might've told me you were coming to get me for dinner but that never meant you were actually going to show. I quickly learned that people are temporary. The two nights a week at your house were the days I looked forward to. I looked forward to getting picked up from school and singing along to Billy Joel and The Eagles. My favorite days were when you would call to say goodnight. I'll never forget the few nights you would stop by for a surprise visit. There would be nights I cried myself to sleep because I feared you would stop wanting to see me. You stopped loving Mom, why was I wrong for thinking you could stop loving me?

I was Daddy's little girl, you taught me all about sports and I fell in love with the games you shared with me. You showed me how to pitch, hit, slide and steal a base. Not only did we watch sports games at home, we traveled the country to different stadiums. Those trips are something I still hold near and dear to my heart. I can't hear Centerfield by John Fogerty without thinking of our trip to Jacob's Field. Whenever the word Philadelphia is mentioned I think of our Fourth Of July trip to see the Philly's and Padres play. The memories I have of us on the road are easily my best memories. I'm a more cultured and worldly person because of those trips. My love for driving stemmed from those hours in the car together, I’ll never forget any of it.

You watched me fall apart before your very eyes, and you didn’t try to catch me. Middle school was the hardest time of my life, and the constant power struggles tore us apart. I came home crying everyday and nothing ever changed. I sat in my room and cried my eyes out until you saw it as an issue. I told you I loved you every night even though your lack of support drove me up a wall. You told me I made myself an easy target, you told me I deserved to be bullied. I believed you. That was my biggest mistake. As I grew up we grew apart, it was my worst nightmare. You put relationships before your children, and decided that we were only a check, only something you were required to pay for. I felt like a bill, a month inconvenience for you and whoever you were seeing. Your actions never matched up with your words, you promised to spend time with me but you never did. You never could explain why you never saw me. I found it useless trying to have a relationship with you. There was no reason to fight for something that was not there, and you sure weren’t going to fight either.

Thank you for teaching me how to love someone, you taught me that communication is important. You were my best friend and I learned so many horrible habits from you, and you became someone I no longer looked up to. Life goes on and things change, I always believed that unconditional love was the one thing you received from a parent. I've learned a lot from him leaving. Everything is temporary, and not all promises are true. That doesn’t mean the bad things I was told are facts, and that doesn’t mean that all promises will be broken, but it does mean that I am different, that I have changed. For better or worse, my experience have shaped me to be who I am, and I’m okay with that.