To The Other Girl;

I’ve wanted to write you this letter for months, but never found the right time to send it out. And I bet you’re trying to figure out what horrible things I want to say to you, or how much I hate you and want the entire world to know it. But, that is not what this letter is, and that is not what I am going to do.

The truth is, I remember the first time I saw your name pop up on his phone and thinking how weird it was for you guys to talk outside of work.

I remember finding out you guys were working nearly every shift together.

I remember seeing how close you were getting.

I remember seeing the text messages and asking him if there was something going on between you.

I remember when he started distancing himself from me.

I remember when he started lying to me about you.

I remember when he finally told me the truth about you.

I remember the moment he told me that he wanted to be with you.

And I remember the moment my heart shattered.

I bet you’re still trying to figure out what made me decide it was time to make this letter a reality. I received a message that proved what I already knew was coming; you guys are “officially” dating. And to be honest, when I saw the message I felt my heart sink and for the first time in weeks, I cried. I didn’t cry because it felt like I lost my chance or because I still want he and I to be together, no. I cried because the moment I saw that message, I knew that chapter in my life could finally be closed. God, it feels so weird to say the words “thank you” because of what happened, but now looking back, I am thankful for what you’ve done. If you hadn’t come along, I would’ve gotten hurt later down the road and I know it would’ve been much worse.

So to say thank you, I am going to give you some insight on the guy I grew up with and loved for years. You have already been learning the big, obvious things about him and, in good time, you will begin to learn everything there is to know about him. So, from the girl who loved him first, here are some things you should know about him.

He is stubborn. He will argue with you on this and tell you that he isn’t stubborn, you are. Which will only further my point. He is a very stubborn person who hates admitting he’s wrong.

His shoes rarely match his clothes. He is clearly addicted to Nike and probably has more shoes than you do. He will argue with you and tell you his shoes match his clothes, but neon orange shoes do not match everything.

He eats way too much fast food. If something takes longer than five minutes to cook, he won’t make it because he is too lazy and hates waiting around for it. Because of this, he would rather buy food that way he doesn’t have to wait for it to cook. So in his car and around his room you will always find empty fast food bags.

He is a perfectionist. You may notice this and want to call him out for it, but half the time he doesn’t even realize what he is doing. He will do something over and over again until he sees it as perfect and will get frustrated until it is.

He is intelligent. Half the time you will find out he is smarter than his own good and it will frustrate you. But, he works extremely hard for his grades and all of his achievements, so make sure you celebrate with him.

He has a goofy side. He acts serious and professional in his classes and at work and simply around most people, so that is how people see him. But, there is a side to him that only I saw and now you have that opportunity to see. He can be the goofiest person you will ever meet and it will make you laugh so hard that tears will run down your face, and your heart will feel so full it feels like it will explode. Seeing him that happy was one of my favorite things about him and I hope you cherish that side of him.

He does not wear his heart on his sleeve. Where some boyfriends will post all over social media about how much they love their girlfriend, he rarely will. He is not one to go out of his way to hang all over you or scream his love for you from the rooftops. And some days that may upset you, but I’m telling you to not let it. He may not tell the entire world how much he loves you on a daily basis, but he will show you in the small ways. He will show you how much he loves you by asking how your class went, if you ate yet, if you made it home from work or class, or by telling you to go to bed. So pay attention to the little things he does, because that is where his love will shine.

He does get jealous. Again, he is not the guy to openly admit what he is feeling, so if a guy is flirting with you or another guy is texting you and he doesn’t like it, he probably won’t tell you. In all reality, he will probably rarely ever admit it to you that he is even slightly jealous about something. But he is a jealous person, and another guy hitting on you will drive him nuts.

He doesn’t sleep enough. There will be days where it will feel like everything you say just upsets him because he is in such a terrible mood, and a majority of it will probably be due to the fact he didn’t get enough sleep. He works hard and doesn’t always sleep well at night, so always offer naps.

He doesn’t yell. There will be times when you fight and you will wait for him to yell at you, but he won’t. Honestly, he rarely gets that angry to begin with. But when he is mad, he won’t yell at you, instead he can get arrogant or will entirely avoid the situation that upset him in general.

He is a hard worker. He was always the hardest working person I had ever met. He would be scheduled to work for 8 hours, he would stay for 10. On his days off, he would still stop by work to check on projects or situations he had been working on. He’s the same way when it comes to his classes. He works that hard because he wants to succeed and he wants to build the perfect life for you. So, if he goes into work on his day off when you’re supposed to hang out, try not to get angry with him because he is doing it for the future.

His mom’s opinion matters more to him than he will admit. You need to make sure you take the time to get to know his mom and allow her to get the chance to know you. He will complain about her and how overbearing she can be, but he adores her. His mom has always been there for him and loved him unconditionally. So, if he is fighting with his mom, make sure he works it out with her because he will later regret it if he didn’t. He wants to make her proud and hates disappointing her, so when he succeeds, send her a text and let her know because he probably won’t tell her even if he wants too.

He has his own demons. He will be the best listener and will always be there for you when you need him, but he has a very difficult time admitting when he is struggling. And there are pieces of his life that he still doesn’t know how to deal with and will be difficult to talk to you about, if he can talk to you about it at all. Don’t take this personally. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you or doesn’t want your help. In fact, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. He has a hard time dealing with his emotions when it comes to certain circumstances. If you know something is wrong but he won’t talk to you, just let him know you are there for him when/if he decides he’s ready to talk and just be there for him.

He is not perfect. We are both Grey’s Anatomy addicts so I can use this, “he is not the sun, you are.” Believe me when I say that I get it. I spent ten years of my life being his best friend and loving him, so I know how easy it is to become consumed with him. How easy it is to fall in love with his laugh, his smile, how he holds you and how he makes you feel. And you will think he’s perfect, but he’s not. Falling in love with him is easy and it feels incredible, but always remember that you need to love yourself just as much. You need to remember to take time to be your own person and fall in love with who you are as your OWN person, not just as his girlfriend. You are the sun, not him.

I can go on for hours about every little detail about him but I won’t because that isn’t my job anymore. Now it is your turn to see how much he loves ice cream and popsicles and how his favorite movie is the Gremlins. It’s your turn to learn everything there is to know about him. So, from the one who was lucky enough to love him first, I have some things to say to you before I close this chapter of my life for good.

Over the years, I felt how incredible it was to love and be loved by him. I had the opportunity to grow up with him and become who I am because of our time together. And there will always be a small piece of my heart that will always love him because he was my first love and he was my best friend. But over the years, we both grew up and changed, and then he met you. The truth is, I spent months trying to make a relationship work with a person who was already gone and I almost let it kill me. I kept trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently to make him stay and I kept blaming myself for everything that happened, even when it was my heart that was broken. And to be honest, I hated both of you for a long time for what you did to me. But you know what? I don’t anymore. I’m not saying I forgive either of you for what happened because I don’t know if I ever will. But I will thank you.

No one likes getting hurt and no one likes having their heartbroken, but I am thankful it happened. Since we broke up, I have been reminded that I am my own person; I have my own thoughts, ideas and dreams that are only mine. I have met incredible people who have become some of my best friends that I probably never would’ve met before. I have learned how strong I am. How much I do matter. And I have learned how important it is to love myself. I never knew what it was like to be without him until he left and I had no idea who I was anymore and I definitely didn’t love myself. I had become so consumed with him that when he left, I felt empty and lost because for the first time in years, I was on my own. But then, I saw my strength and how much people truly do care about me and it has taught me that it doesn’t matter that I’m not his girlfriend anymore. It doesn’t matter that he chose you over me. At some point along the way I became a choice to him and I allowed it. No one should have to sit around wondering what they mean to someone, but I did that for months. I allowed myself to become a choice to a person because I was so consumed by them and now can’t help but laugh at that because I am better than that. I am worth more than being a choice to someone. I am worth more than having to beg someone to stay with me and love me. I am worth more than all of it. I deserve to be with someone who will love me unconditionally for who I am, not who they want me to be.

I may have hated you for what you did, but you didn’t break me, he did. You don’t have that power over me, and neither does he anymore. So yeah, I may be alone right now, and you may have “won” the guy, but in the end I am still the real winner. I learned my worth and I learned how to love myself. I am a strong, confident woman who will change the world one day and that is thanks to the two of you. So, thank you for turning my world upside down and causing me to change my plan. You set me free.

Sincerely,

His First Girl