my husband told me he hopes I drop dead

To The One Who Said "I Hope You Drop Dead"

Trust me when I say, most days I wish I could

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Of course you didn't just say that out of the blue, naturally, there was an incident that led up to you saying those cold words, but my question for you is, are there any circumstances that ever make saying that to someone justifiable? ...I'll wait.

I am not perfect, I have been battling with depression my whole life. I've had multiple people commit suicide in my family and have had many friends pass in the same manner too.

It all started when I was a child when sadness swept me away from the first home I ever knew but I couldn't understand why I wasn't allowed to stay. I was depressed before I ever knew the definition or spelling of the word, but it was a feeling I had become too familiar with

Years later in a similar situation, everything I had was ripped away deceitfully and without tact. I was alone and fourteen. I remember buying black roses, begging on my knees with tears in my eyes asking God to let me go to heaven now because life on earth wasn't something I wanted to endure any longer.

When I spoke about my depression to my mother, the response I got was "Well, what are you gonna do? Kill yourself?" Sometimes I wish I could have called her bluff but instead I just found a new place to cut myself.

I was sick, I thought that If I was going to be in pain, shouldn't I at least have the right to be the reason why? If it's okay for everyone else to hurt me, why can't I save them the trouble and just hurt myself.

Instead of having the guts to drown myself in a bathtub, I held on to the fact that my little brother would need me. Without me, he would be all alone.

Fast forward another ten or so years, when what should have been the best day of my life, turned out to be the start of an uphill battle.

I have gone everyday listening to how amazing and beautiful the day was for everyone else, but me? It's the day that started my latest flare-up I guess you could say. And now every minute of every day I have to deal with the fact that my family could care less if I am dead or alive.

They don't care I drive down the street wishing that a semi would come out of nowhere.

They don't care that I cry enough tears to fill the seven seas.

They don't see how hard it is to act like everything's okay all the time.

They don't see me making list after list of reasons I should keep breathing and how the reasons I shouldn’t, no matter how hard I try are always slightly higher.

So thank you so much to the brave soul that told me to die, thank you for reminding me that there is one less person I have to worry about disappointing. Thank you for reminding me how alone I am and will probably always be.

Thank you for proving to me that the people who are closest to you are really the ones that want to watch you fall. You have gone to great lengths to get a front row seat, I hope it was worth it.

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10 Photos You Have On Your Camera Roll Of Your S.O. When You've Been Dating For More Than A Year

A wide range from "Aw" to "WTF?"

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My boyfriend and I just hit the year and a half mark of dating, even though it seems like we've been together forever. Over the months, we've taken many pictures together... from football games, to his track meets, to holidays. Although we may have a lot of pictures together, I definitely have a lot of candids of him in my camera roll. If you've been dating your partner for as long as I have or longer, then you'll probably notice you have these same pictures in your photos as well.

1. The awkward first photos together

We laugh at these now, especially this one. Why am I so pale compared to him? It was July! And also, we noticed not to long ago that I was sweating under my arms and his underarms were sweating on me... what a great first time meeting!

2. The ones for VSCO

Every girl who has a significant other posts them onto their VSCO. VSCO is like Instagram, but more has more aesthetically pleasing pictures and there are no "likes." The pictures that include my boyfriend on my VSCO ranges from him holding a bunny to him holding my hand while we went ice skating.

3. Them sleeping

I have so many pictures of my boyfriend sleeping (I promise it's not as weird as it sounds), I just think he's so cute when he's fast asleep while cuddling with me.

4. The embarrassing ones they want no one to see

He's going to kill me when he sees this... but we all have those embarrassing Snapchat pictures that we start to send each other because we've gotten more comfortable with one another.

5. The ones for Facebook

The good looking pictures so you can keep yours and his family updated on how you two are doing. I took my boyfriend to a baby bird meet and greet since he loves birds and has one for a pet. I posted this cute picture of him and his new friends on Facebook so my family can see our adventures together.

6. Old pictures

One of the best parts of dating someone is finally seeing their old pictures. Although, sometimes they may make you cringe... like the one I posted above of my boyfriend after prom in his sophomore year of high school.

7. Their accomplishments

My boyfriend pole vaults for his college and he's really good at it. He just went to division III nationals in March because he qualified! I'm always at his meets so I make sure to get him on video in case he or anyone wants to see. I always try to snag a picture with him too because I'm always so proud.

8. The straight up ugly ones

He sure knows how to make me laugh. And I know he's going to be mad at me for this one too but I think it's a talent that he can do that with his stomach! Sorry, Adam, I promise I still think you look good when you send me these snaps for the most part.

9. But you have the hot ones too

He may be funny and sweet, but he is pretty good looking too. I know us girls keep some attractive pictures of our S.O.'s so we can remind ourselves of what a great looking partner we have.

10. FaceTime screenshots

If you and your lover go to different colleges like my boyfriend and I do, then FaceTiming happens a lot. Sometimes I get some great screenshots, like the one above, to make fun of him later.

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What They Don't Tell You About College

Everything you need to know before your first year.

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College is great. It's so much better than high school could ever be, but it's not all rainbows and sunshine, either. Here's everything you need to know about college before your first year.

1. It's boring if you don't involve yourself in clubs/activities

There's only so much time classes and hanging out with friends can kill. Involve yourself in clubs, get a job, or join some extra-curricular activity on the side in order to keep yourself occupied.

2. The parties aren't that glamorous 

They can be quite disappointing, actually. There will be some nights where you'll genuinely have a good time and others nights where everything will go wrong. This includes pouring rain, dead parties, and/or overly-drunk friends that need babysitting.

3. The workload can be intense even if you don't procrastinate 

Sometimes, you're going to have to work into the AM regardless of how much planning and working ahead you do.

4. You do see some people more than once 

No matter how large your school may be, you will probably come across some faces more than once.

5. You can be 20 minutes from home and still get homesick

Even though I attend a university that's 25 minutes away from my home, I find myself getting homesick every now and then. Being in college means having little time to talk to your family and, naturally, missing them from time to time.

6. Not everyone is...accepting

People always tell you that college is super open and tolerant, but you will meet many people that are quite literally the opposite. Take that how you will.

7. It's only as fun as you let it be 

It's really easy to get bored in college if you're not taking every opportunity to get out and meet new people. Don't limit yourself to your room, no matter how tired or lazy you may be, because you'll never now what you're missing out on.

8. You're not always going to be in classes that you like 

Most universities require students to take a class or two in every subject regardless of their major. As a journalism major, the fact that I had to take a math and science class was quite possibly the worst news I had ever heard. Fortunately, once you get those classes out of the way, you can continue taking classes you actually enjoy.

9. Time flies! 

The semesters go by fast. Make the most of your four years and remember that life's not supposed to be all that stressful.

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