“You’re probably overthinking again.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve blown things out of proportion.”
“At some point, you’re going to have to stop being like this: the world’s not exactly going to adjust for you.”
“You’re way too sensitive.”
Sensitive:
(syn.): conscious
emotional,
keen,
knowing,
perceptive,
precise and understanding.
These words sound better to your ears right?
Describes a person who’s poised and in control of their feelings.
Surprising how they’re just another way to say sensitive?
Except that’s not what you mean when you say I, or someone else, is “Sensitive.”
You really mean
(syn): delicate
Nervous
Unstable
Emotional
These are much messier words, aren’t they? But they’re familiar. Things not to be proud of.
Because that’s what you see, when it's 2 a.m. and I’m freaking out over a joke a friend made about me earlier in the day, or that a professor snapped at me most likely because she'd been having a rather crappy day, my friends who might have done the same thing a week or so before. You see it in my tears over the sad part of a movie.
You never see it in the way I comfort those hurting, or take the time to understand a different point of view, even when it's so drastic from my own. You never see it in my unwavering patience. My love for the swelling strings in the soundtrack of a superhero movie or the underdog in a book I’m reading.
Language is a thing unlike anything else in this world. What else can mean so many different opposite things but only makes one sound?
I’m Sensitive.
My friends might tell you I’m Very Sensitive
Friends who I’ve handed hugs and patience whenever asked and even when they didn’t, who’ve seen me cry over Logan just by listening to the score.
Who know me to put so much work and care into something I love because well...it's what I love.
But those who don’t know me will say I’m Too Sensitive.
You may have seen me crying randomly during a rehearsal, or get a little too angry because people are, in my own words, "always incompetent and always in charge."
But you’ve taken this language and given it your definition,
As I have mine.
So yes, I’m sensitive.
And sometimes it’s the worst.
Sometimes I wish I could change it.
But I think if I did, I somehow wouldn’t be as much me. And that would be the worse thing, wouldn’t it?
