To The One Who Made Me Realize I Deserve Better,
I’d like to start by saying thank you. Thank you for the late nights, I sat up worrying about you. Thank you for the days I thought I needed to spend with you. Thank you for the names you’ve called me. Thank you for helping to shape the woman I’m turning into.
Everyone talks about love like it’s a magical, always wonderful, always satisfying thing when in all honesty, love isn’t all that great. Love hurts. It’s like being ran over by a freight train flying down the tracks at 150mph. It’s terrifying.
When you fall head over heels for someone, you’re willing to do anything for that person. You put your happiness and yourself to the side to focus on your someone. You’re goal is to make sure they’re happy at all times. When life’s bogging them down, you’re there with a pep talk. When they fail a test they studied all week for, you’re there. You have all your own life stressors and hell you may have failed that same test but, they’re your priority. At some point you become so dazed by them, you lose the love you have for yourself.
You don’t realize that the little critiques on what you say, or how you act, or the comments they make on the things you enjoy so largely impact you. You hide your love of country music because you know your someone hates it. You dress a certain way to appease them. You stop saying things you use to love saying because it’s offensive or annoying or stupid to them.
Time passes and you don’t realize how this person is affecting you. You're blinded by what you want and that’s to make them happy with you. You forget that you are a human being and deserve so much better. You give and you give until you can’t possibly give anymore.
You’re friends worry about you when they see how your moods changed. A once so happy, joyful, person sits silent and almost emotionless day in and day out. A simple “I don’t care” text from your someone has the ability to turn your entire day upside down. But, a part of you already knew that text was coming because you had grown so used to their not caring.
They still have the ability to give you butterflies or make you the happiest human in the entire world but, that doesn’t matter when those happy moments are so few and far between as time passes.
The thing is though, it isn’t all bad. When you realize the love you give isn’t what you get, things change. When you open your eyes to what you know you deserve it’s like a light switch. You realize you deserve just as much as you give. You also find a new love for yourself once you remove the toxic relationship from your life. Something clicks in you that never has before, a weight is lifted from your shoulders.
So to the one who made me realize I deserve better, thank you. Thank you for the amazing months of my life where I cried more from laughing than sadness. Thank you for the months of memories I’ll remember forever. But, most of all thank you for the crappy parts of it all. Thank you for making me realize that love shouldn’t hurt the way this has, I shouldn’t fall asleep crying, or have a pit in my stomach from thinking I’m a terrible person, or avoid the stuff I like to please you. Thank you for making me realize that I come first and that I need to receive all the love that I give. Thank you for making me realize my self worth and that you will never be enough for me. I wouldn’t be the same person without you, there’s no doubt in that. I wouldn’t be this strong, independent, beautiful woman without your actions. So thank you.
Love,The one that loved you