To the one who has him,
You’re a lucky girl, let me tell you. There’s just something about him that makes him seem so perfect. That’s the only thing that I could spit out when people ask me to describe him, and people tell me, “There’s no such thing as perfect.” But there is. Perfect is the only way to describe him.
He isn’t nice, he’s so much more than that. He isn’t handsome, handsome doesn’t describe his boyish smile or his dreamy eyes or his adoring curly hair. He isn’t just a good listener, because I loved to hear him tell his own stories too. And he doesn’t just have a nice voice, that doesn’t show his fruity laugh or the way he speaks when he talks about what he loves. I could go on forever, but when I think of perfect, my mind goes straight to him.
Everyone tells me that I’m lucky for even having that chance with him, even though it was so quick. I tell them it's not luck; it's the complete opposite. He touched me but I didn’t touch him. I fell in love but he never felt a damn thing. And now all I can feel is pain and he doesn’t even feel a damn thing about that either because none of this mattered to him.
I tried to make him fall, and I couldn’t. I tried to make him choose me, and I couldn’t. I talked about him as if he built the universe, but nothing he ever said about me was genuine. I was just there to help pass time. I was just there to help heal pain; the pain that you caused him. But he took you back anyway. You win.
I’ll say it again, you’re a lucky girl. You get to roll over every morning and be graced with that smile that I miss oh so much. You get to sit in the front seat of the car and watch him sing and dance to his favorite songs. You get to watch him as he talks about the things he loves and see the light in his eyes when he talks about those things. You get him, and that’s more than enough.
You know him better than I do. You know him inside out, like the back of your hand. But that doesn’t mean anything. So please do me a favor. I know that you‘re aware that you won’t ever lose him. You have him wrapped around your finger no matter what. But treat him better. Treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Treat him with respect. Treat him with trust. Treat him with kindness. Make him as happy as he makes you. Or at least try. Please. He deserves the world.
Everyone has their someone, but he is not mine. He is yours. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned and realized from all of this: I did my best, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And he never will love me. He loves you. It’s always been you.
Sincerely,
The one who envies you
