To whom it may concern,

I never got an answer. I never got an explanation. One day I was the most perfect person you had ever met and the next day I was nothing. You never told me why or what changed.

Was it because my mother didn't like you? Or I was a year older? Or because you just didn't love me and lied to me for months? I never believed you did, anyway. I am not that type of person. I can't believe you loved me after only knowing me for a few months. You didn't know me, not really. You didn't know the ugly parts of me. You couldn't have loved me. But, I did like to pretend you loved me. I did like to pretend I loved you, too.

If you really thought as highly of me as you said you did, how could you let me hurt the way you did? You left me the most bittersweet voicemail of all time and never answered again. This is what you said:

"Life is trying to keep us apart. I've been thinking a lot about it. I want it to be us, but maybe it's just not. Maybe I don't love you. Maybe God doesn't want me to."

What bullshit is that? If you want to be with someone, you will be. It is about effort and work and getting over the differences. It's about loving someone even when you don't know how. You left because you wanted to, not because you thought God wanted us apart.

You don't know how many times I listened to that voicemail. Over and over and over until I knew every moment you took a breath and took a pause. I knew every part, word for word. I played it over in my head in the shower while I cried. Your words are the only words I thought about as I fell asleep. You have no idea what that's like. To have someone control you in the way you controlled me. I was a mess for months and you couldn't have cared less.

The aftermath was worse than the initial blow. Then, you decided you were't done with me. You weren't done with the emotional turmoil you put me through. Like clockwork, month to month, you would try to get ahold of me to make me think you wanted us to get back together. Your friends thought it was funny. You thought it was funny. I have never hated someone as much as I hated you. You took whatever pride I had and broke it between your hands, because you could. Because, every time you walked back into my life, I welcomed you with open arms.

It messed me up.

You messed me up.

Trying to get over you was the worst pain I had ever felt. I kept letting you back in because I wasn't ready to get over you. It was a different type of feeling with you. You made me laugh, you made me feel important, you made me feel loved. And then, suddenly, this guy who made me feel all of these things was playing with my heart and taking advantage of my kindness.

But, I did get over you. It took two years, but now, here I am, happier than ever. I haven't even thought about you until I began typing this letter. My anger came bubbling up. But, I look at my life, my friends, my family and finally I am happy where I am.

I am happy without you.

With not so much love,

Allison