To The One That Lost Me;

For me, losing you wasn't a loss. At least, now it isn't.

I know now that no matter what I did, you wouldn't change. But that isn't nor will it ever be my fault. You must not have seen anything wrong with what you did to me, but what you did is something I can never forget. No matter how bad I wish it were possible for me to forget.

I always believed that what we had; what I thought we had, would last forever. I thought you would always be mine. My best friend, the love of my life, my future, my everything. I am a person to over think and think the worst of every situation, except with you. With you, I felt at ease and carefree. Maybe that's why you did what you did. But I'll never know why you did what you did, and I think it may be better off that way.

I did everything I could to keep you happy, to be enough for you. I guess that my best, just wasn't good enough for you. I won't apologize for not being enough for you to be with only me. You wanted more than I could offer you, which is crazy because i was willing to give everything I could ever have to you.

You will never truly understand how much your choices impacted my life. How it will always have a hold on me. You were the one I trusted to be real with me, but you never were. I guess that has nothing to do with me, but it has everything to do with you. Maybe feelings changed, I have no idea.

Honestly, I never expected things to be how they are. Never in a million years did I think we would be where we are. I didn't think I could ever lose you. I expected some sort of fight. But you gave up too easily, and part of me still hasn't. i think part of me will always. hell, you were the first person to actually make me believe in love and happiness. Now, you made me never want to believe in love again. I never want to be the vulnerable ever again.

I opened my heart to you; I let you in. I let you see the darkest depths of my soul. I trusted you to be there for me. I expected at least that much. I deserved that much, I still do. I always will, that will NEVER change. That is one thing that will never change.

At first, I thought I deserved what you did. I thought maybe if I tried harder, listened more, loved stronger, and thought less, that maybe I still would've been with you. I was stupid to blame myself for your selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless acts. You made those choices, without any thought of me, or my feelings. You never thought of what your choices would do to me.

I always thought of you in my decision making, but you never seemed to think of me at all. I just do not get how you can give your all to someone, and not get anything in return. How can a person accept not getting what they deserve ? I wish i knew how I did it for so long. Maybe it was because I hoped everyday that somehow you would realize how wrong your actions were, I wanted you to change. I wanted you to be the one you made me believe you were.

I never wanted to hurt you; but a person can only take so much mistreatment. You had me so head over heels for you. I would've done ANYTHING for you. You never saw that though. You just saw me as someone you could have, while having others. I stayed because I thought it may have just been a phase. A phase doesn't last over a year. A relationship should never make you feel undeserving and worthless. It should make you happy and hopeful. A real relationship should make you believe that there is someone for you, not that every time you feel something for someone, that it will end in pain.

I remember the day I fell in love with you. I don't think I will ever completely fall out of love with you. I don't know why you still have such a hold on my heart. I don't know why I still love you. But for the rest of my life, I will remember everything that happened between us. Why it was best for us to end. I just wish it had ended differently.

Now, years later, I sit here and wonder how I failed to see how I deserved more than what you gave me. I remember EVERY SINGLE heartbreak you caused; there were numerous by the way. I wish you could've cared like I did. Loved me the way I needed to be loved. I never gave up thinking you could change, until now. I remember crying over you countless times.

I was warned about you, but I couldn't see the person they said you were. Until now; now I see the exact person they claimed you to be. I wish you turned out to be who you made me believe, rather than who you swore you never were; who you said you never would be.

Sometimes, people are only meant to be in your life for a certain span of time. They aren't meant to stay forever, even if they say they will stay in your life, no matter what happens along the way. Sometimes they are genuine and will stay. Other times, they are there to teach a lesson. They can, and they probably will remain in your heart for the rest of time, but that doesn't mean that they should stay in your life. Some people don't deserve what you're willing to give. I guess you were one of those people in my life. But I thank you for showing me this; for teaching me so much about love and life even though you had a twisted way of teaching me what I needed to learn. I don't hold it against you, I never will.

You never were the person I thought you would be. But I guess that happens sometimes. People can't always be who you want them to be. Life is never going to be the fairy-tale we wish it were, but that is just something that needs to be accepted; no matter how difficult it is to accept. You just have to make the best out of your life. Even the darkest of days have a little sunshine in them if you look close enough. You just have to believe that there's good in every part of life.

We are taught at a young age that we will find someone, our soulmate, and they will sweep us off of our feet and we never will be hurt by them. That is something fairy-tale books want us to believe, so they can sell copies of their stories. Life isn't made of just sunshine, smiles, and sunny days; there have to be dark, stormy, menacing days to balance life out. If we didn't have the dark to go with the light, we would not be grateful of the wonderful moments that life throws our way.

We thrive off of these thoughts of a true forever, but we have to deal with these temporary forevers until we find the one who will never give up on us, and someone we will never give up on. Wait for that person. Everyone you meet on your way to this person is important. Every heartbreak, every love is vital to self-discovery, and true love. They help build you up so that when you find the one you're going to be with for the rest of you life, you're ready to be with that person. This person will make you see that it has all been worth it. Every heartbreak and every memory led you to this point of time where you found the one. Wait for it.

Love,

The One Who Is Finally Giving You Up