In my life time I have lived in five different states and lived in nearly ten different houses. Yet, I never felt like I had a home. I never felt safe. I never felt like I belonged. Never felt like I truly had a place I could call home. Then, one day completely unexpectedly and unplanned, I met you. There were a million things I could have been doing that day. I could've not covered a shift at work. I could've decided not to reshelve books that day. I could've been at home. But somehow the universe decided that you and I needed to be at the same place at the same time. And somehow it decided that I needed you as much as you needed me. Even though you didn't even pay attention to me, your mind was probably off somewhere else as it normally is, as crazy as it sounds I knew that in that moment that I had felt something I hadn't felt before. I didn't even say anything to you. You didn't say anything to me. No words were exchanged. As cliche and overly romanticized as it may sound, I knew that I wanted you in my life.
So when we finally did meet I already knew you were going to change my life. All you had to do was look at me, and I knew that I was going to be in deep. I swore to myself that I could do things on my own and I was better off alone. I never wanted to belong to anybody or be with anyone. I pretended to be tough like I didn't need anyone. I didn't know I needed to be saved until you saved me. It's funny how things change. How one person can change your mind completely and everything you knew beforehand doesn't matter anymore. I was always told by anyone I had ever been with that I wasn't the kind of girl that guys dated. I always heard that I wasn't the kind of girl that guys took home to their mom. I was just the kind of girl that guys took home. Hearing it so much gave me that mentality. I put up walls upon walls so I would never be anything more than that. I trained myself to think that I never wanted anything more than that.
No one ever saw me as more than just a pretty face, but you did. You saw me as more than a body to be used, more than a pretty face, more than just a girl you see for one night. While most guys left when they had gotten what they wanted, you stayed and held me. It was when you held me in your arms for the first time that I felt like I was home. You never left and you still haven't. Even though I've opened up, let down my walls, and shown you my heart you haven't ran away. You don't know how nice that is, but I do. For the longest time I thought that nothing lasted forever and that people always leave no matter what, but ever since you happened to me my whole mentality has changed. Not only that, but I've changed.
Being with you has made me a better person. I used to only listen to sad songs and live with a constant feeling of emptiness. Now I'm listening to happy love songs and singing in the shower. I'm laughing and smiling again. And for the first time in my existence I don't feel empty anymore. I've stopped thinking as much, even if I still overthink. I don't look at couples and scoff. I don't think negatively about love and relationships anymore.
When I was younger, before the real world got to me, I believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I believed that I would find someone that thought not only I was beautiful, but also my soul. They would see me for who I was and adore every aspect about me. I guess you could say I was a hopeless romantic, even then. I kind of grew out of that mind set when I was 16 or 17. I just settled for how I thought I should be treated. Not only have you given me everything I've ever wanted since I was little, you showed me how I should always be treated. You make me believe that something like that is possible for a girl who was told she was just the girl that guys took home.
So from someone who has lived in nearly 10 houses and five different states, I want to thank you for being the best thing that's ever happened to me. For making me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. For holding me when I have nightmares. For always listening and calming me down when I freak out. For seeing me as more than just a pretty face. For always believing in me. Sometimes a home isn't always a place. Sometimes it's a person. So from the girl who never felt like she had a home, thank you for being mine.
