Dear Little Brother,

Ten years ago, the family was anxiously waiting for your arrival. I was finally going to have a sibling, best of all you’re going to be a baby boy. Everyone was happy when we found out you were going to be a boy I will never forget the excitement I saw in our parent’s eyes. But, things got complicated and you came early than expected.

It was December 24th, 2007, that night we were getting ready for the family party. Suddenly, mom started to get her contractions and they started coming frequently. That is when they decided to take mom to the hospital and I was taken to the party. All I remember is being told that you and mom were going to be fine.

Christmas Day came and I hadn’t received any news about you and mom. Everyone would speak to each other in low voices, as if they wanted to hide something from me. I beg them to take me to see you and they did but I didn’t expect to hear the news I did upon my arrival to the hospital.

That car ride felt longer than ever. Entering the hospital, it was a ghost town, so silent. I could hear my heart beating faster and faster. Our uncle went up to talk to the security guards and told him we were there to see my parents. I will never forget the guard’s response, “Oh you’re here to see the woman who just lost her baby, she’ll be in room….” Hearing those words, I collapse on the floor crying. I didn’t believe that you were gone. They walked me to the elevators and we went up. I was told to calm down because if our parents saw me crying it was going to upset them more.

Walking into the room I was greeted my dad, he had tears in his eyes and broke down when he saw me. I hugged him and walked towards mom, she was holding you and crying. I wasn’t strong enough and the tears came pouring down. I was asked if I wanted to carry you and I did. But, knowing that it would be the first and last time I would, made me distraught. As I held you, you looked so calm and peaceful and the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I pulled you closer, I was in denial and wanted I hear your heartbeat, but there was none.

The nurse came and said it was time for you to leave, I didn’t want to let you go but I had too. I placed a kiss on your forehead and gave you to mom. After that I can remember much, we said our last goodbyes on your memorial. I remember placing two of my favorite toys with you, that way you had a piece of me with you.

It was hard for mom to cope with your loss, dad was there with her all the time trying to cheer her up. Not only did I lose you, but I lost my mom too. It was very hard to keep up with everything going on, I had to grow up quicker than I had to because of the loss took a toll on my parents.

During this time I lonely. The only company I had were my books. Why books? Because reading made me feel less lonely and that I had someone with me. There are times that I wish that you were here so I can take you to soccer practices or games. I could see us fighting about which teams are better than the others and staying up late watching the games with dad.

Losing you was the hardest thing that had ever happened to me. You would’ve turned 10 years old this Christmas. But things happen for a reason, and even though I lost you, I gained two amazing sisters in return. You will always have a place in my heart and I love you so much.

Love,

Your Sister