An Open Letter to the One that Got Away
Start writing a post
Student Life

An Open Letter to the One that Got Away

Accepting what has happened, and looking forward to what's next.

17
An Open Letter to the One that Got Away
Rachel Patterson, Flickr

Dear You,

How have you been? Actually, you know what? Never mind, I don’t care. Okay, that’s a lie. I do care, and that’s the problem-- but more on that later. First off, let me explain why I am writing this. As I think back on all the things that have led me up to this point, I can’t help but think back on the time that I knew you. The time when all was right-- when it was easy to talk to you and I honestly thought I had a shot. But that turned out not to be the case.

I tried my best to be the very best version of me, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t what you wanted, and at the time it hurt. Honestly, it still hurts a little during those random times when you pop into my head. I think back on all the times we smiled, laughed and talked and how things were so much simpler, and I can’t help but feel confused. What happened? Why didn’t things work out the way I wanted? After so much time, I think I’ve finally realized what went wrong. And so I’m writing you this letter, not in an attempt to attack you, but in an attempt to show that I understand you.

Back then, I was angry and hurt. It was a dark time when I sort of sank into a hole and it felt like no one could pull me out. No matter how hard I tried moving on, I always felt myself coming back to you. I couldn’t help but wonder if you sometimes thought of me or if some part of you still cared about me, and every time I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into that hole.

But after so many experiences and so much struggle, I realize the truth now. The truth is that back then, I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and neither were you. I was still a stupid, arrogant kid who only cared about satisfying what I wanted, no matter what that entailed for others. You, however, were kind and humble but you knew there was so much more to life, and you wanted the freedom and strength to see all of that. Who I was back then only would’ve been an anchor that would’ve weighed you down. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it back then. I wasn’t the right guy for you, and honestly I still don’t think I’m the guy for you.

The arrogance that I had back then has turned into cynicism. Once I thought that I knew everything, but now I see that I know nothing. All I know is that there are things about life that are just unfair and no longer make since like they once did. What I thought was once love, I realize now was just lust. But it wasn’t you I lusted for. I lusted what I thought you could give me. I thought that you could provide me stability and care, things that for so long I felt deprived of. But it wasn’t your job to give me those things, rather it was my job to realize that I needed to be able to provide myself with these things. I needed to grow up and stop trying to burden people with my issues.

Let me say now that I don’t blame you for anything that happened between us. I get it. You didn’t feel the way about me that I felt about you. Back then I was heartbroken and I blamed you, but now I see that it wasn’t you that broke my heart. It was fear. Fear that I wouldn’t get what I most desperately needed. I needed to feel like I was finally getting my life together-- like things were finally going right for once instead of always feeling like things were gonna go bad. I was afraid of failure, of what would happen if I overreached, and that fear came true and it broke me and I blamed you. It was easier to blame you and push you away than it was to admit my own shortcomings.

Now I don’t blame you. Rather, I would like to thank you. Yes, that seems odd since I just ranted about how messed up I felt after everything, but the truth is that for the longest time, all I could think about was the bad. I went through a dark phase in my life, and truthfully there are still days when I find myself going back there. But I needed that to happen. I needed to see that from pain comes growth. I needed to do some serious growing up back then.

As I think about what happened, I can’t help but wonder what things would’ve been like if things hadn’t happened how they did. What if we had gotten together? Would we still be together now? Would you have been able to learn to love a cocky man-child that still laughed at the word “duty”? Hell, after listing off all that stuff, I want to break up with me. You didn’t deserve that, and truthfully, it would’ve been so much more painful for us if that’s how things had gone down. So no, I don’t blame you, and I also don’t regret how things ended between us. If I had the chance to change things, I wouldn’t. I’m a better person now because of what happened. I learned that life isn’t fair and that things happen for a reason. We’re all just chapters in each other’s books-- a chapter that we sometimes look back on and hope to learn from, and the things I learned from meeting you are too priceless to ever want to get rid of.

Is there still a part of me that cares for you? Yes. There is a spot in my heart for every person I ever meet. They are all part of who I am and who I am becoming. But is that spot big enough to ever want another shot with you? No, it isn’t. As much as younger me would kick me in the shins for saying that, there just isn’t. I realize that just as who I was back then was an anchor for you, who you were back then is an anchor for me. I have to realize that you are no longer the girl you were back then. Just as I have grown and changed, so have you. If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be who we are now, and I have to tell you, I’m proud of who I’ve become.

You were my anchor, and I had to let you go once and for all if I ever wanted a chance at growing. So, with as much sincerity as I can muster at three in the morning (gotta love random waves of inspiration!), I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a chapter in my book, for helping me learn what I had to do to become the man I am now. Who knows? Maybe at some point in the future we will cross paths again, and we’ll write new chapters in each other’s books. But for now, this is goodbye. Goodbye, and thank you once again.

Sincerely,

Me

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

56118
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

36149
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

958107
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

187641
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments