It's not who you think.
You were the first person who broke my heart. It takes a lot to sit down and type this. I wish that I didn't have to. Walking away from your daughter and your family and showing that an addiction was one of the things that truly shaped my opinion of you forever.
A phone call one day a year to wish me happy birthday, if you remember to call me on the right day, or a visit every now and again. No matter what you propose we do, I don't get my hopes up. A dinner doesn't make up for all of the ball games, pageants, or graduations that were missed. It doesn't make up for the fact that I can't ask you to walk my down the aisle when I get married, because I would be afraid that you wouldn't show up, and I would have to make an excuse and cover for you again like I always have had to do.
The song "Piece by Piece" by Kelly Clarkson really hits home with me. You were only there after I made something of myself. I'm a junior in college, finishing in three years, working two jobs and helping take care of my grandfather. When I graduate, I'm going to be a social worker and help the children and the families that only have one parent to provide for them. I have always hated having to wonder if I was the reason that you left. I didn't know if it was the stress of having another daughter to take care of, or if you just really didn't want me.
But you know what? I'm glad that you left.
It made me realize that I shouldn't have to depend on a man to tell me what my worth is. It made me realize that no matter what, God will always have my back, even when I question that things that he does. I have became such a strong, independent woman that has made something of myself. Being accepted and liked was something that I have always struggled with, but I have to just sit back and think: I am a child of God. I have a heavenly Father who will never leave me, or forsake me, and I'm so glad that I have found comfort in that.
Now, just like an earthly father, it isn't easy to listen to God when he tells me to do something. I want to run when He tries to call me to do something. I want to just stub up and say no when You tell me to leave something be. I'm always so scared to listen to someone tell me something major to do, because everyone that I have ever looked up to in my life has left, but I know He never will. Listening to him has given me the strength that I needed to let go and forgive, and it is something that I am forever grateful for. Sometimes it's better to let go of a situation that you can't do anything with, and let God work His magic on you.
