I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said, “Imagine the day you stop talking to the person you thought you were going to marry” and my heart broke a little for everyone that has ever had to experience that, but I never imagined that I was ever going to actually feel that myself. I know I recently wrote an article about how to make your long distance relationship work, but do not read it because I have found out that I do not know what I am talking about.
It started off very small, though. I was getting annoyed by little things he did that had never bothered me before, I was starting to notice that our lives were not growing together anymore, but apart. I blame this on myself, honestly. As much as I wanted to believe he was the one pushing us apart, it was me that let it happen. My friends here at college told me that they could tell I was not happy anymore and that it was time to end things, and I listened to them!! Like I am totally the kind of person that believes you should work through something instead of around it. And I gave up on him, I gave up on us. So this is for you, for the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
- First of all, I am sorry. I know sorry will never be enough, but it is a start.
- I hope you continue to love yourself even though I pointed out some pretty awful things about you.
- I still love you, or whatever love I can feel at 18 years old. I still care about you, very deeply. And all I have ever wanted for you was for you to be happy, I just always thought it would be me that made you happy.
- Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I am someone capable of being loved and loving someone else. Thank you for an absolutely amazing 9 months.
- I also hope you are happy, with her, the girl you are already seeing. I know you do not know that I know, but girls have this thing they were born with where they literally know everything without anyone having to tell them. (But yes someone told me)
But also thank you for giving up on us, too. You always told me you were done with us whenever you started talking to someone else. And that is fine, I just wished you would have not lied to me about it because I hated going through the day thinking that it really was me that was wrong with us. And it was not me at all, it was you. You’re the one who refused to grow up, you are the one who cannot just be single, and you are the one that cannot accept responsibility for your actions.
So this is for you, for the guy I thought I would marry, the guy I thought I would grow old with. Thank you for letting be my own person again, best of luck trying to do that for yourself.
