To the man I am still crazy about,
Not a day goes by that I do not think of you. It seems as if it is almost too hard for me to let go of you. My heart crumbles a little more every day, but why? It has been over four months now since we were together. Again, I continue to ask myself, why?
Every day something is brought up that quickly reminds me of you. Whether it's a picture, cologne scent, or even a song -- I will always think of you. There are still plenty of nights I continue to cry myself to sleep. My heart will continue to ache until I can find someone better than you. The thought of being able to do that just seems like a fantasy. My friends continue to tell me, "Just find someone, and when you do find someone, it will help you move on." Those morbid words 'move on' hit my heart with a worse feeling than when someone touches an open wound.
How will I move on? All I want you to do is come running back to me so I can take you back -- so I can quit crying the few tears I have left. I need you more than words can describe, but I know I won't ever get to be with you again. I know that, because what we had was not healthy. It tore me to morsels every time we argued. My body would ache in pain from the stress we caused each other. But you only fought for me during our last argument. Why? Because you saw that I was serious? Or because you knew that you were about to lose someone who cared so damn much about you?
I know that everyone saw the wrong of you when there was plenty of good. You always managed to make me smile or laugh my heart out. You always continued to listen to me and wipe my tears away from my eyes. I never expected to be so open to you, but I was, because I wanted to be. I saw a long future ahead for both of us. Sadly, what I saw was something I was wishing for -- and did not succeed in gaining.
As I continue to cry typing this letter, I just need you to know that I was so incredibly blessed that you came into my life and gave me what you did. I still wear that ring that you gave me -- like my life depends on it. I still have our pictures and still look back and smile, laugh, and cry. I miss you more than words can state. I want you again, but now I understand that sometimes second chances are not always given. They must be earned.
Thank you for giving me the warmth of your body as we felt each other's heartbeats at night. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, and for giving me something that will be hard to get out of my mind. I'm sorry I got mad when you thought of me at times I wouldn't expect you too. I'm sorry I was not good enough to make your forever. I know that who you marry is more than lucky and blessed. I pray that there are many promises ahead for you, and that you find what you are needing in your future -- because you deserve it. I also pray that my tears come to a halt, and that my body will be overcome with happiness from whatever it may be that brings it. As much as I don't want you to read this, I hope you do. Because I will feel at ease just a little more than before.
Love,
The girl who cared most.
