To The Man I Continue To Pray For

Dear You,

I have had my fair share of relationships, ones that have ended badly and others that ended with us being friends. But each relationship lacked something, the foundation that I knew I always wanted. That is a relationship that's centered around Christ and our faith.

I know I am not the most perfect human and I do not claim to ever be. I am sassy, a tad dramatic, and I struggle with my own issues. But I am a woman who loves deeply and immensely, I will do my best to be the partner that I believe you deserve.

I have struggled with my faith for a long time, and for a while, I had completely lost hope because one after another, no matter how hard I tried, they refused to step foot towards focusing our relationship on God. But then you came along.

From the very first day we met, we clicked. We were stuck in our own bubble. You were the one who I had hoped and prayed for because from the very beginning when we were just friends you were a positive light, a ray of sunshine on my cloudy days.

You encouraged me every day to be the best version of myself, to stop being negative and to see the good in any given situation that came my way.

You are in your faith, and working on being the man that your family raised you to be and I saw that potential in you just like you saw it in me. I was always told that the one I was meant to be with would pursue me and not give up, which you never did; no matter how many times I denied you. I prayed for someone who would make me smile, love me even on days I couldn't love myself and treat me with the utmost respect because you saw me as your equal. When you came into my life it was God telling me to not let you slip from my grasp, which is why I told you my feelings even at the worst possible time.

We both have our personal issues which have caused us to take the time to focus on ourselves, mine being my mental health and struggling with the anxiety and all that comes with it and you with your own struggles.

I know my anxiety is one of my biggest issues because I worry about the smallest of details, but that is just how my brain will always work. I am slowly finding peace. I am accepting the things I cannot change because it is obviously God's will.

I was upset and hurt and confused at first because I just did not understand how you could love someone but separate yourself from them. But I have to look at the bigger picture and not just what my selfish needs want. I know that I need to sit back and trust in Him and He will reveal everything that I need.

I know I must be patient because I know I deserve someone who not only pushes me to be a better version of myself but one where we both encourage one another every day towards Christ. I must trust in His plan because He has already predetermined my life, and now I must live the path He has set out for me.

But I also pray for you to find the same things in a woman. Whether I like it or not, you are apart of my life and if now we are only meant to just be friends then I have accepted that and I am okay with it.

Some, if not all may never understand the love I have for you and why I continue to just be your friend, why I don't just cut you off because "it's not fair to me" and pray for you to find peace with your life because you deserve it just as much as I do. I pray that He gives us both the strength to keep pursuing Him and He will reveal His glorious plan for us.

We do not control the future so who is to say that this is apart of the plan for us? He obviously wants us to be apart of each other's lives because if it wasn't meant to be then we would have hatred towards one another and not ever speak again.

Every day I pray that the closer we move towards God, the closer we move towards one another. God restores everything.

When we submit the broken pieces of our lives to Him, He restores us to a beauty far more than what we pray for. I pray for patience and to not rush anything. I must remind myself to trust in His timing. I'd love to have a soulmate and I know God will give him to me someday because a man who will lead me to God and not to sin is always worth the wait.

Even if we only remain friends from this moment on, I will always be thankful for the time and memories I have with you that God has graced me with. My only prayer now for the future is "Father, let our strengths and weaknesses compliment one another in a way that will make us both into godlier people."

"Seek God's will in all that you do and He will direct your path" Proverbs 3:6
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