To The Loved One I Lost Too Soon.
Start writing a post

To The Loved One I Lost Too Soon.

To my grandma, I will miss you more than you will ever know.

To The Loved One I Lost Too Soon.
Amanda Poznyakov

To my grandmother,

This is your first birthday without you here. I have been reluctant to write about you because then it would be real. You’re actually gone and sometimes I still don’t believe it. I go about my days, doing what I have to do, thinking that I’m going to come home and be able to call you, hear your voice, come to your house and smell your cooking, or just give you a hug. Then, as the day passes, I remember that those days are gone. You’re gone.

The day after Valentine’s Day of 2017 was when God gained a beautiful angel, and I lost one of the most important people to me. You can go through absolutely any difficult situation, but there is no pain like losing someone so close to you.

Words can’t describe how much I miss you. I miss being young and coming home to your cooking as the smell of roasted potatoes and chicken filled the house. I miss you having the strength to argue with me about the boys I like and my choice of lipstick. I miss you picking me up from school and walking home with me, while I tell you about the bullies. I miss you having the strength to want to shop with us for hours, much longer than any of us wanted. I miss telling you about my anxiety and my depression because you were the only one who understood. The only thing I don’t miss is complaining to you about how much I hated my life at times, because those days never compared to the life I have to live without you now.

As your birthday approaches, I remember all the birthdays I got to spend with you. I remember having our huge parties at Russian restaurants and dancing until our feet hurt. You were always so full of light when you were around your family. Even if we weren’t able to have those big parties, having little get-togethers at home were when you were at your happiest. Being able to show off your cooking to us and make sure that everyone was set and happy before you even thought about sitting down and eating yourself. Those are the days I miss.

The memories that I have suppressed until now were the darkest times our family went through. Being in and out of the hospital for a year, having to spend your last birthday with you in the hospital because you were too sick to go home. Coming over your house and mom having to feed you, because you were too weak to do it yourself. Waking up almost every night because mom had to go to you. I remember holding your hand every time I was with you and saying a prayer because you believed in God, and I was so certain that if I had faith, you would just be healthy again, and no more pain would come to you.

The most bittersweet moment I can remember was when you were in so much pain and you told me to come next to you. I sat there with you, hugging you, and you told me it was all going to be okay. You cried and said to me, “Amanda, I am going to watch you get married, have kids, and live a great life. I am going to live for that.” I prayed every night for that to be true. All I wanted was my healthy and happy grandma again.

The day I lost you, was the day I had lost faith in every single thing I did. I had lost a part of me and everyone saw it. I had become different, I wasn’t who I was when you were here. As time went on, I grew up a little bit and realized that everything that happens is for a reason. Now, you’re not in pain anymore. I have dreams about you running free and being happy. That is how I know you’re still with me.

Every single thing that I have done since then, has been for you. Every single one of my accomplishments are to make you proud. I’m not nearly as successful as I want to be, but I know that once I’m on top of the world, you’ll be right there with me.

I miss you more than you’ll ever know, and I’m growing every single day to become the successful woman you have always wanted me to be.

I love you, Baba.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

New England Summers Are The BEST Summers

Why you should spend your next summer in New England.

Marconi Beach

Three years ago, I chose to attend college in Philadelphia, approximately 360 miles away from my small town in New Hampshire. I have learned many valuable lessons away from home, and have thoroughly enjoyed my time spent in Pennsylvania. One thing that my experience has taught me, however, is that it is absolutely impossible to beat a New England summer.

Keep Reading...Show less

Fibonacci Sequence Examples: 7 Beautiful Instances In Nature

Nature is beautiful (and so is math). The last one will blow your mind.

illustration of the fibonacci sequence

Yes, the math major is doing a math-related post. What are the odds? I'll have to calculate it later. Many people have probably learned about the Fibonacci sequence in their high school math classes. However, I thought I would just refresh everyone's memories and show how math can be beautiful and apply to physical things everywhere around us with stunning examples.

Keep Reading...Show less
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments