Hi. There’s no need for me to introduce myself to you. You’ve been in there for a long time, even if I’m only just realizing it. I know that stress was the one that let you in, and gave you your strength. I hear you in there every day, and I have to admit, I don’t like some of the things you say. Even now, you’re yelling at me to stop writing this, which means I should keep on writing just to piss you off. Consider this your eviction notice for everything you’ve done to me. So, where to begin?

You like to think that you’re in control. You like to believe that I am just your slave to beat and torment. I hear every one of your demeaning whispers. How about all the times you’ll tell me that I’m not good enough? Or that I can never amount to anything, or that no matter how hard I try it won’t mean anything. I’m not as good as others, and never will be. That’s what you said at least. How much do you think I even want to try knowing that you’ll just keep saying this to me over and over? It’s not enough, it’s not enough, you’ll never be enough. What about the times when you won’t let me be happy? When someone is kind to me and you tell me how much I don’t deserve it, how much I don’t deserve anything. I hear you when you tell me that my friends may not really be my friends, or that I’ll never fit in or be accepted. I hear you when you say that I’m worthless. I heard you when you told me to kill myself. Thank god I didn’t listen to you.

Screw you. Just because you say all of it doesn’t make it true. You’re the one with all the problems. How easy do you think it is to strive for my goals with all this echoing in my head? Whenever I do try, just know that it is purely out of spite. It is to prove you wrong. And you are wrong. Everything you say is a lie, and it may have taken me a while but I see that now. Despite what you say I am not worthless. I do actually have friends, and you won’t pull me away from them. I may not be the best but I am damn good enough to keep pushing through. I deserve to be happy, even if you don’t think so. What I don’t deserve is to have you playing around in there getting your toxicity all over my head. You are an abusive, manipulative little parasite inside my mind, and you need to leave. I am not going to listen to you anymore. I don’t care if it makes you angry. I don’t care if it makes you lash out stronger than ever. I am done listening to you. I refuse to let you toy with my life anymore.

Pack up your things and leave. I am more than good enough without you.

—Allison