"What's wrong with you? ... Why are you such a miserable person?
What IS your problem? ... Just get over it!
Suck it up, Buttercup! I think you like being miserable."
If only I could.
I have wrestled with two lengthy and intense bouts of postpartum depression (PPD).
It isn't a bad day, or a day where you're tired and feeling unsocial. It isn't a down-in-the-dumps day.
It's a feeling of almost drowning. Physically you are feeling the same experience of struggling to get even the smallest gasp of breath... so you can fight for just a few more moments.
It is physically grappling with some invisible force trying to hold you under the water, while frantically searching for something to grab hold of to help get your head out of the water.
If you could find something to hold onto you can float for just a brief moment, so your body can rest from the exertion, let you search for somewhere safe to aim for in your struggle.
While you are wrestling to keep your head up and water out of your lungs you can't find a point to focus on. It's too much, it involves more concentration than you thought you could muster just to keep flailing in the water.
You need to find something to help you float, even for a moment, to rest and be able to focus on searching for land or a boat; a lifeline, and so you know which direction to plot your course.
Having a focus point is so very important. That focus can help clear the fog of confusion; relieve the weight of the overwhelming and terrifying invisible force, and those thoughts of self-doubt.
That focus point can help block out the seductive call of madness, and the peace promised if you would only give up the fight. Your body is so exhausted that it feels like you are trying, and failing, to run through quicksand.
That focus point can help you fight the temptation to stop clinging so desperately to the edge of the cliff; that fine line between enduring the battle, and the relief of giving in.
That focus point can help bolster your courage, to manage just one more minute in the exhausting effort to resist the thoughts beckoning to you from the maw of madness; promising release and rest, and no more fighting.
I wish that those of us who suffer could switch places, just for a moment, with those heartless idiots that make their insensitive comments of 'snap out of it' and 'get over it'.
Dr. Sapadin writes in her article, "Snap Out of It" about depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, panic, anger, and self-doubt. She offers a few coping methods:
"1. Distract yourself. It’s hard to get out of a bad mood when you keep focusing on what’s frightening or depressing. So try distracting yourself by doing something you enjoy that doesn’t require much effort or energy. Listen to music that warms your heart or gets you moving. Watch a light-hearted YouTube clip, movie or TV show. Do an enjoyable, easy task that will give you a sense of accomplishment.
2. Talk yourself down. It’s easy to be sucked into a negative vortex when you zoom in on everything that’s wrong. When others tell you to think positively, you want to tell them to buzz off. They have no appreciation of all you’ve been going through. But you appreciate how tough it’s been. And you can talk yourself down from your bad mood by speaking to yourself kindly and gently. What could you say to yourself? “I love you. (Yes, that’s you you’re talking to.) And whatever we need to deal with, we can do it together.” “It’s been tough, so the only thing I ask of you today is to take one little step in the right direction.” “Despite the tough times, I truly am grateful for …”
3. Move. You know all those studies that prove that exercise improves mood? They’re right. But who wants to exercise when you’re in a miserable mood? So, scratch that idea. Simply remind yourself that it’s good for you to move your body. What kind of movement might improve your mood?
4. Stretch. It feels good when you stretch those aching, tight muscles. Walk. Get some fresh air. If the weather isn’t cooperating, simply walk around your living space. Even when you’re sitting or lying down, keep those body parts moving. Stretch again. Stretch each arm as far out as you can. Hold the stretch tight for 10 seconds, then release. Then stretch each leg out the same way. Now it’s time for your shoulder stretch and your neck stretch. There, aren’t you feeling better already?" (Sapadin)
Postpartum Depression (PPD) is different than just "Feeling sad, moody, or tired is normal in the first few weeks after childbirth." (Silence Sucks)
"If you experience any of the following symptoms, you should tell your doctor right away:
- Feeling sad, hopeless, empty, or overwhelmed
- Crying more often than usual
- Worrying or feeling overly anxious
- Feeling moody, irritable, or restless
- Oversleeping or being unable to sleep when your baby is asleep
- Having trouble concentrating and making decisions
- Frequent feelings of anger or rage
- Losing interest in activities that are usually enjoyable
- Suffering from physical aches and pains
- Eating too little or too much
- Avoiding friends and family
- Having trouble bonding with your baby
- Persistently doubting your ability to care for your baby
- Thinking about harming yourself or your baby" (PPD Symptoms)
So what DO you say to those jerks inhumanely spouting; "What's wrong with you? ... Why are you such a miserable person? What IS your problem? ... Just get over it! Suck it up, Buttercup! I think you just like being miserable."
Felipe Rewa, had a terrific answer; "(INTJ) I dont answer with the way things should be I just answer in regards to the way things are. Answered Jan 23, 2015
Unless it's sarcasm there is none. People don't understand what it's like and they think all happiness is a choice. Be happy that their philosophy works for them because ignorance is bliss and I wouldn't wish my depression on anyone." (Quora)
She may not wish her depression on anyone, but I sure would like to see some of these hideous people get a taste of what they're making fun of.
