Missing you comes in waves, and of course, it comes at the perfect times.
I miss you late at night when my thoughts consume everything. I miss you when I see my friends with their guys joking, laughing, and having a grand ole time. I miss you when I hear a Sam Hunt song comes on the radio.
But I don't just miss you, I miss the way you made me feel. I miss the way my heart would skip a beat when you looked at me. I miss the way you sang Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs to make me laugh. I just miss the way you would do anything to make me laugh. I miss the way we would work on homework together, but really talk about anything and everything. I miss the way the way you could make me happy on my worst days.
It hurts to miss you. But it's when I'm missing you and remembering all the good things that I remember all the bad things too.
I remember the way my stomach would turn when you would do things that you knew you would hurt me. The times I would wait for your call or text and it wouldn't come because this was all just some pathetic game to you.
It's when I remember these things that I also remember, I don't need you. Not in the cynical way like "I'm too good for you" or whatnot. But the simple truth that I don't need you, and let's be honest- you don't need me.
You see, I miss you when I'm feeling "lonely" or when life isn't all sunshine and blue skies. I miss you on the days when I'm not loving myself enough and I feel like I need someone to love me or give me my happiness.
But boy oh boy, I was so extremely wrong. The thing is, I don't need to miss you anymore; I need to love myself. That's right. Just simply love me. Because if I miss you, I'm not loving myself. If I'm focused on what you're doing or who you're with, then I'm not focusing on me or my future or the beautiful things unfolding in front of me or the friends that have been by my side through all of this. You see, the more I love me, focus on me, and chose to see all the wonderful things around me- I am no longer missing you. I can move on and be happy. And the beautiful thing is, that this is the most freeing thing.
Yes, you were a huge part of my life at one point in time but that time is gone. It's time for me to love myself and stop missing you. It's time for me to truly enjoy all the things I have to offer to someone else. And for you, I hope you're doing well, not missing me, and loving yourself and whoever the people are that surround you. I also want to thank you, thank you for showing me in a weird round about way that loving myself and focusing on me for awhile is the best thing a girl could do for herself.
