From an outsiders perspective you always do look like you have it together. I give you props for that. What you have and will give to someone some day is the real dream. From the "perfect" family life and friends to the "perfect" beach house and as well as the "perfect" dream in mind. You absolutely swept me off my feet with all of the perfect ideas that fluttered my head. Your charm, your manners, the house plans you wanted for us. It was all so good. But way too good. As much as it seemed like I had hit the jackpot of a perfect guy, but it wasn't reality what we were creating.
I became someone that I never thought I'd be. Creating traits like impulsive, lying, hyper sensitive and everyones favorite, materialistic. None of that stuff ever mattered to me before. The nice houses, the boats, the nice expensive accessories. I was happy with the simple life. But it mattered to you so much it became apart of me in a toxic way.
I was always confused of why YOU were the one that made me feel so awful about my self and where I came from. I have a great family and a great upbringing. You later on told me that, "look none of that materialistic stuff every mattered, I don't care if you went to a community college or if you were down right poor. I just wanted to know the real you". I've thought about it alot. If none of it mattered, why did you stress it so hard on me? Why did you tell me over and over all of the things you had that I didn't? Constantly for a year feeling like I had to one up you and your friend group.
The day we split I was in absolute shock, you had consumed my life. Everything I did was about you, every thought in my mind was about you. I no longer thought of my self, and what was best for me. It was all about you. All my judgment and decisions were clouded and based on you and our not so lasting future. I felt as if I had no life the day you walked away because you were my life. I lost my friends focusing on you, i strayed away from my family focusing on you. Because your life seemed “better".
I really do believe you loved me, but for my body and my beauty than me deep down. I mean how could you love me for me, you never knew the real me. I never got the chance to show you me because you were so obsessed with the life plans and the future and not the person you wanted that future with. You got the materialistic, lying, toxic, house wife that was 20 going on 35.
I thank you for putting me through things and really forcing me to loose my self. I thank you for showing me what I do and do not want in this life. Teaching me life lessons and that you can't trust just anyone. You're not a bad guy because nothing you did to me I believe was intentional. I really did love you, but now I need to love my self. I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience the real me, because that girl is amazing. I am enough and I'm so excited for the next person that does get the real me.
