It's OK! You’re not the only one, I promise. There are many of us that question even if we do not want to admit it. Now, I know what you’re thinking, especially if you’re one of my family members reading this, but no, it does not mean that I’m set in stone about kids. It just simply means I question so many things about having children that makes it seem terrifying to me.
Like many other women, I have been around children my whole life. I love kids. I love working with them. I love learning from them. Kids have an incredible imagination and they’re some of the most honest people you will ever meet! I’m pretty great with them, too (not trying to sound conceited). However, like other things in life, there are the “what-ifs” to having kids. "What if I’m not good enough?" "What if I can’t provide for their needs?" (Notice I say NEEDS and not WANTS.) "What if my spouse does not parent the way I do?"
To some, these concerns may seem minor, but to me they’re important. Being good enough to me is knowing that I give ALL that I can to my kids and make sure they feel the love they deserve. I want my kids to have what they NEED. Lord knows I would love to give them what they want and the things I didn’t have growing up, but as long as their needs are met, that’s what matters. Parenting should be done by both parents, but I’ve seen where one parent does one thing whereas the other does something completely different. I don’t want that. I want my husband and me to work together. I want to raise my kids the way they should be raised. The Bible states in Proverbs 22:6 (KJV), “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Related: To The Girl Who Dreams Of Her Future Career More Than Her Future Children
I want my kids to know the love of Christ and to know He loves them unconditionally. They are a gift from Him. I want my kids to be able to believe in something and to learn about faith. I also want my kids to be taught respect and self-worth. I want them to dream. I want them to be able to go after those dreams and to never give up. Kids nowadays give up so easily. Or they’re being taught they’re not good enough. Our society teaches kids it’s ok to be disrespectful, to look down on someone else, and that it’s ok to bully. All of these things need to be addressed. We can’t change the world if we keep FOLLOWING the world.
Raising kids in this generation is scary. I can only hope and pray the future generations can make the change. So, to the women who fear having kids in this world as it is today, I understand. Our society needs a lot of work. We need God more than ever. It’s easy to not what to bring a child into this world, I know. I wrestle with it myself. There are so many things that I do not understand and probably never will. If you decide you want kids, please do them a favor and raise them right. Raise them the way YOU see fit. DO NOT let society influence you.
To the girl who questions if she wants children, it’s okay to be scared of the birthing process. I promise you’re not alone. The thought of stretching your body for 9 months, the awkward doctor visits, and the pain is enough to make anyone shy away. I’m right there with you. I wish you could just wake up one morning and have the ‘stork’ visit. The thought of what my body will endure scares me. Yes, moms, I’ve heard it’s such an amazing experience. I can imagine that it is, but it makes me cringe. I’m only human. I agree with you in some ways, though. It’s amazing that a woman can do so much. Ladies, we often say we wish men could experience what we do and childbirth is one of those things. I was talking to one of my friends about it and we both said it amazes us that guys think we have it so easy. They do not realize we give up a lot when we are carrying a child or trying to conceive a child. Our bodies are the ones that get violated, stretch and grow and so much more. You’re already trying to keep a clean house, cook and do your daily routine, but this becomes harder when your body changes. Exhaustion is real. To my guys reading this, SUPPORT your wife/girlfriend. Y’all think we have it easy, but we don’t. Even when that child is born, it never ends. Alternate getting up when the baby cries, changing diapers, and doing household chores. WORK TOGETHER!
To the girl who questions if she wants children, it’s okay to be selfish. Nobody said you have to have kids by a certain age. As young girls, we’ve been taught that a girl is supposed to bear children and to take care of the family. Stop letting society tell you how to live your life. It’s okay to want to live and chase your dreams. I’m 24 years old and the majority of my friends are married, have kids, or married with kids. Does it bother me? Sometimes, but it’s only because we have been taught this at a very young age. We’re given dolls and taught how to feed and change its diaper. Boys are given tools. We let society teach us at a young age that ‘woman’s work’ is taking care of the household whereas men are supposed to make the money and perform the labor. Women, please change the stereotype. It’s okay to want to go after YOUR dreams and to establish yourself before you have kids. It’s also okay if you don’t want kids. Society will talk and label you, but those labels DO NOT define you. Build your life up and learn how to love yourself. Work with your spouse to have a steady foundation.
And finally, to the girl who questions if she wants children, stop letting boys tell you what to do. If a boy tells you he wants kids and will leave you if you don’t give him those kids, let him go. He’s being labeled as a boy because he’s not mature enough to be a man. A man would never pressure you into children if you’re not ready. A man would never threaten to leave just because he isn’t getting what he wants. Children are not something to just toss around. You’re not a parent when it’s just convenient for you. Once you have a child, they are your responsibility! It’s a commitment. Children cost money and they’re not cheap to raise. Before you make a commitment to raise a child, make sure you’re stable enough. You’ll probably not ever have the ‘ideal home’ or the right amount of money, but it’s okay! Just make sure you’re prepared for the worst case scenarios.
Related: Why My Future Kids Will Come Before My Career
To the girl who questions if she wants children, remember, you’re not alone. You have the freedom to decide what you want in life and you’re not wrong if you go against society. It’s okay to question and to wonder. Don’t have children because everyone else is doing it. Follow your own heart and rely on God.
Sincerely,
A girl just like you
