To the girl who left a very toxic relationship,

They all say getting your heart broken is no big deal. But, being an adult is a huge deal.

Getting your heart broke, in your adult stage, is a huge deal. While however long the relationship lasted, you made your life around that person. You might have lived together or were about to. You might have an animal together, bills, or cars. Your whole life was that person.

Now comes the dreaded task of separating everything. You don't get time to heal because you either have to move out or go through everything.

You stand there in the kitchen, feeling overwhelmed. You have all the drawers and cabinets open,your looking at everything, and you start to cry. You think maybe if I would have cooked a little more. Maybe if I would have bought junk food instead of trying to get him to eat better. But, it wouldn't have changed anything.

You see the piles of boxes you still have to fill. You pray he stays away long enough, so you can pack and not fight.

You stand there in the bedroom crying. You're looking at everything you bought him, and the thought crosses your mind to be revengeful. But, you decide against it. You stand there in the closet, questioning maybe if you would have dressed better, sexier, or bought him nicer clothes that maybe things wouldn't have ended. But, they still would have.

You stand there in the bathroom, and you're looking at all his stuff, crying. You keep telling yourself that you can do this.

You stand there in the hallway, and you've got your face in your hands, sobbing. You fall to your knees and ask, "Dear Lord, please let me know things will be ok." But what you don't know is this is part of his plan.

You stand there in the living room, and your packing all your movies. You see his gaming system, and you question maybe if I didn't yell at him or nag him about playing so much things wouldn't have ended. But, they would have.

You now sit at the kitchen table. You text him and tell him your done packing. You call or text your friends and ask them to come help move you. He shows up and then your friends do. You're trying your best to hold back all emotions. You've got great friends to help move everything. They now get everything out, and he is standing there watching. You then have the dreaded conversation about bills, animals, and furniture. He tells you that, as long as you pay half the phone bill, it will be fine. But, you decide to tell him that you will get your own phone, and you will be shutting off everything that is in your name. Then, he yells the way he always did. He tries one last time to control you and make you leave everything alone. But, you are smarter. You tell him that you are sorry, but it will all be shut off.

You get to your parents' house and all the boxes are piled everywhere in your room. Now, you fall to your knees and cry. You are angry and upset. You ask yourself how you let things get this bad. You knew the signs. Why didn't you realize it? You ask why he did it.

You will never get the answers to those questions. You will never know why or how. I've been asking myself those same questions for months.

The best thing you can do is cut off all contact because if not, he will just reel you back in.

You've got to know it will all be ok. It will just take time!

Sincerely,

A Girl Who Left A Toxic Relationship