To the girl who left us behind

To the girl who left us behind

You may have thought that it was best for you, but in reality you were only helping us
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To the girl who left us behind,

I graduated in 2017. Nearly one year ago. When you graduate you expect to stay in touch with some people, but you accept that there are some people who you will probably never see again, let alone talk to. After walking across the stage, getting my diploma and attending all of the graduation parties I said goodbye to some people, forever, without even knowing it.

For almost as long as I can remember I have had three best friends. We were practically inseparable since 6th or 7th grade. It was rare that you would see one of us without at least one or two others around. We spent weekends at each others houses, played on the same sports teams, joined the same clubs, and practically did everything together. The boys that we would hang out with would make fun of us because they noticed it seemed to them that we couldn’t do anything without the others. It wasn’t that we couldn’t do anything alone, we just enjoyed being around each other, we were best friends.

That was until we graduated. We were best four best friends until we walked across the stage, said our goodbyes after the final graduation party and parted ways as we went to college. It didn’t even take until college to see who was really my friends of the four of us, it was less than a week before I never heard from one of my so called best friends ever again. And for this, I could not be more thankful.

In our group of four there was always a clear line, two and two. I loved the other two girls but I was always just better friends with one girl. It had been like this for forever, and everyone knew it, not just us. But once we graduated it became extremely true. But it didn’t break two and two. It was one and three. And this was sad and frustrating at first, and then ended up being a great thing, for all of us.

Nearly 9 months without talking and I knew all hope for the friendship was gone once i saw she tweeted ‘my biggest glow up feature in college was my friends’. At the time yes, this pissed me off. I texted my other friends as soon as I saw it and sad things like “I don’t know what is worse, that we were great friends and put up with her shit. Or that we still sat in that house last week, were the bigger people and acted like nothing ever happened even though we all know we don’t talk to her anymore.” The amount of time I spent with this girl, the amount of secrets of mine she held, the amount of late night memories we shared and there was nothing, no explanation, no final goodbye. Just complete silence. There was that tweet which made it pretty clear she had no interest in being friends with us anymore.

But it made me a better person. I realized that the entire time we had been friends she was tearing me down. She was killing my happiness and I never even noticed it. Our relationship was a toxic one and she did me the biggest favor in the world by cutting me off, because I was afraid to do it myself.

She thinks her biggest ‘glow up’ was her friends. And knowing her, that is probably exactly what she believes. But that is NOT mine. My biggest glow up was growing up, realizing my worth and surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and radiate positivity. And I am thankful and blessed that the people I have surrounded myself with now continue to be with me through this entire process. I am continuing to learn everyday that people who make you feel like you’re not worth anything are never worth your time. I have grown and realized that you can give someone one million chances, you can give them all of your time and love and compassion and understanding. But if they don’t want it or they think they are to good for it than you are better off being left on read, or completely left behind. AND THAT IS OK.

From,

The girl who is finally happy now that you're gone

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To That One Friend Who Deserves The World

Since I can't give you the world, I hope giving you this article is enough.
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My wonderful friend,

You deserve love.

You deserve to marry your best friend.

You deserve appreciation.

You deserve that no matter who comes in and out of your life, every selfless thing you do for someone is acknowledged.

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You deserve kindness.

You deserve to have the nicest people in the world surround you all of the time.

You deserve support.

You deserve to have someone there for you at the beginning of every good day and at the end of every bad one, to have someone who wants to fix all of your problems.

You deserve hope.

You deserve to always be optimistic.

You deserve laughter.

You deserve to never stop smiling and actually mean it every time you do.

You deserve forgiveness.

You deserve to be able to be given second chances because without a doubt you are worth it.

You deserve friendship.

You deserve to have a friend who can be just as good of a friend as you are.

You deserve honesty.

You deserve to always be told the truth.

You deserve motivation.

You deserve to never want to give up and always push yourself.

You deserve success.

You deserve to have everything you have worked so hard for.

You deserve faith.

You deserve to always know it will get better.

You deserve loyalty.

You deserve to have that one person who will never leave and always be there for you.

You deserve happiness.

You deserve to be genuinely content with your life.

You deserve the world.

If I could give it to you, I would.

Yes, life gets tough sometimes. The unthinkable happens and your world feels like it is crashing down but you can get past all of this.

Thank you for being so selfless. It amazes me how you do it sometimes, but thank you for always making everyone your main priority when they need you.

I know I may not say it enough, but truly thank you for all you do for me. I don’t always know how to show how much someone means to me, especially when it is someone as great as you because I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but thank you.

I love you.

Cover Image Credit: Liz Spence

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Outgrowing Friendships Is A Necessary Part Of Life

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Why do friendships naturally begin to gravitate away from each other? Why is there an emptiness within the bond that used to be filled with excessive passion? Why does effort suddenly disappear? Why do we lose the pieces that once kept us together?

It is a great challenge for me to look at people who were once the reasons behind my heart being so consumed in love, without tears filling my eyes to the point of exhaustion simply thinking of the friendship we used to possess. There are many moments I cannot understand why, when, and how we ended up going in different directions without the guidance we once craved and needed from each other. It seems impossible to release the specialness we shared. I cannot fathom the fact that we have been walking in parallel routes without even a glimpse of each other. I wonder if there's anything I could have improved upon to save us. Or were we not meant to be rescued?

Appreciate that you are engaging in internal growth, even if it is at the cost of separation from those you love deeply.

The timelines of our lives do not always match with those around us. Sometimes as we fall into the pits of despair, our friends find inescapable love. Sometimes as our friends grieve burdensome pains, we begin to visualize ourselves in a new light. As our pathways begin to part due to our progressions and setbacks occurring at diverse times, we fail to acknowledge the extents of our personal developments because we are too invested in analyzing a friendship that was not meant to last. When we lose such friendships we take our strengths for granted. We fail to think of the person we have become throughout the course of these attachments.

You have changed in beautiful ways and you should shy away from seeking to be the person you used to be for the sake of holding onto old friendships. You are experiencing a difference within yourself, and not everyone will understand such a difference, nor will their own differences connect with yours like they once have.

Do not overthink distanced friendships or it will lead you to endless self-doubt and unneeded frustration.

We drive ourselves insane by shifting such blame upon ourselves when we are left on an empty road full of questions. What could I have done to create such a disconnect within this friendship? Did I say something so exceedingly wrong to cause this hurtful shift? Did I bother this person with an unintentional act of thoughtlessness? Could I have been a greater friend? When we question, we doubt ourselves in ways we do not deserve. Recognition is needed to conquer the unsettling thought that there is not always a causation behind a drifting of individuals. Push yourself to stop searching for something that does not exist. You will find yourself on a path of creating the oddest explanations to help justify such a separation, when you should acknowledge that some questions do not have answers.

As you contemplate if the connection still remains, acknowledge that the underlying meaning of this contemplation means that the bond has disappeared. As life changes, people change, and as people change, their most valued friendships come to a close due to the similarities fading. Although this is a saddening concept to grasp, it is one that everyone should be prepared to experience. Sometimes there is no reason behind a dying connection aside from the interruptions life brings. We wrongly search for an exact understanding of why specific friendships do not feel as exciting or as effort-filled as they once were. But rather, we must seek to appreciate a friendship for all that it has consisted of, and learn to be OK with the fact that some relationships are not designed to be repaired when all that is left to discuss is the past versions of ourselves.

Some bonds are meant to be broken in order to find ourselves.

This brokenness is the price we pay for pursuing our journeys truthfully. When we come closer to a peace of mind and firm comprehension of who we are destined to be, we lose people who once meant the world to us because our visions, purposes, and values do not correlate. BE WILLING TO LET GO OF FRIENDSHIPS THAT ARE PREVENTING YOU FROM FINDING YOUR TRUE SELF, EVEN IF THE LOVE AND CARE IS STILL VERY PRESENT. DO NOT ALLOW DISTRACTIONS FROM ALL THAT LIES AHEAD OF YOU. JUST AS THERE IS BEAUTY AND LOVE IN HOLDING ON, THERE IS JUST AS MUCH BEAUTY AND LOVE IN LETTING GO. DO NOT FEAR AN UNCOMFORTABLE FUTURE WITHOUT PEOPLE BY YOUR SIDE WHO YOU FEEL YOU NEED, FEAR ONE THAT WITHHOLDS YOU FROM GROWING! Sometimes we must let go of others in order to hold onto ourselves.



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