To the girl who left us behind

To the girl who left us behind

You may have thought that it was best for you, but in reality you were only helping us
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To the girl who left us behind,

I graduated in 2017. Nearly one year ago. When you graduate you expect to stay in touch with some people, but you accept that there are some people who you will probably never see again, let alone talk to. After walking across the stage, getting my diploma and attending all of the graduation parties I said goodbye to some people, forever, without even knowing it.

For almost as long as I can remember I have had three best friends. We were practically inseparable since 6th or 7th grade. It was rare that you would see one of us without at least one or two others around. We spent weekends at each others houses, played on the same sports teams, joined the same clubs, and practically did everything together. The boys that we would hang out with would make fun of us because they noticed it seemed to them that we couldn’t do anything without the others. It wasn’t that we couldn’t do anything alone, we just enjoyed being around each other, we were best friends.

That was until we graduated. We were best four best friends until we walked across the stage, said our goodbyes after the final graduation party and parted ways as we went to college. It didn’t even take until college to see who was really my friends of the four of us, it was less than a week before I never heard from one of my so called best friends ever again. And for this, I could not be more thankful.

In our group of four there was always a clear line, two and two. I loved the other two girls but I was always just better friends with one girl. It had been like this for forever, and everyone knew it, not just us. But once we graduated it became extremely true. But it didn’t break two and two. It was one and three. And this was sad and frustrating at first, and then ended up being a great thing, for all of us.

Nearly 9 months without talking and I knew all hope for the friendship was gone once i saw she tweeted ‘my biggest glow up feature in college was my friends’. At the time yes, this pissed me off. I texted my other friends as soon as I saw it and sad things like “I don’t know what is worse, that we were great friends and put up with her shit. Or that we still sat in that house last week, were the bigger people and acted like nothing ever happened even though we all know we don’t talk to her anymore.” The amount of time I spent with this girl, the amount of secrets of mine she held, the amount of late night memories we shared and there was nothing, no explanation, no final goodbye. Just complete silence. There was that tweet which made it pretty clear she had no interest in being friends with us anymore.

But it made me a better person. I realized that the entire time we had been friends she was tearing me down. She was killing my happiness and I never even noticed it. Our relationship was a toxic one and she did me the biggest favor in the world by cutting me off, because I was afraid to do it myself.

She thinks her biggest ‘glow up’ was her friends. And knowing her, that is probably exactly what she believes. But that is NOT mine. My biggest glow up was growing up, realizing my worth and surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and radiate positivity. And I am thankful and blessed that the people I have surrounded myself with now continue to be with me through this entire process. I am continuing to learn everyday that people who make you feel like you’re not worth anything are never worth your time. I have grown and realized that you can give someone one million chances, you can give them all of your time and love and compassion and understanding. But if they don’t want it or they think they are to good for it than you are better off being left on read, or completely left behind. AND THAT IS OK.

From,

The girl who is finally happy now that you're gone

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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I Left For Germany Alone And Returned With The Best Friends A Girl Could Have

Oh the places you'll go... Oh the people you will meet...

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College is known to be a time to grow and be independent. Learning how to live on your own and balance school as well as other responsibilities such as a job or meetings can be tough. These are the most important and, of course, the best years of anyone's life.

When I started school, I really had no idea what "studying abroad" was. Yes, I understood you live in a foreign country for a semester or year but why? What makes that so enticing?

People give a lot of shit to those returning from abroad when they talk about their experience. Typically results in mocking or memes that are truly funny. I always told myself I am not going to be that person that comes back with "when I was abroad" stories. Alright, I lied.

This semester almost my entire immediate friend group was abroad. A few went to Florence, Italy, one in Salzburg, Austria, one is in Chile FOR A YEAR, one in Dallas interning for a semester, a few in Paris, and one stayed in Columbia, SC teaching the cutest nuggets every day. I was in Berlin, Germany.

This past fall my friends and I were running around getting forms signed, classes approved, choosing programs and countries, and trying to avoid the fact that we won't see each other for at least four months.

This was a huge step for all of us. Personally, I had never been to Europe. I have traveled alone but to places with which I am familiar with. I was terrified of coming abroad.

I am the type of person that needs support in every single way. After abroad, I can officially add BACK SUPPORT to that list (s/o Joey Arnold.) I'm only (kinda) kidding, but seriously this was a huge step for me.

I wanted to be different and go to a country and city in which not many people study. My dad is half German and my parents lived in Germany when my dad was stationed abroad during his time in the Army. I thought it would be cool to learn about the ¼ of me and to learn and live in German culture.

I took a leap of faith and came abroad alone. Yes, I have friends in other countries but COUNTRIES AWAY. I was so scared I would not make friends or have a good time. Well, I think I've made some of the best friends after four months.

I met a group of people that helped me in so many ways I can't even explain. From my program provider, AIFS, to my university abroad, Freie Universität, these people became like family.

At times the moods were testy as we spent almost every day together throughout this time, but mainly love and support all around. I met people that I may not have met on campus at USC since its such a big school. I don't think our paths would have ever crossed. Everyone I met came from a different school and has a different personality and interests.

These people helped me grow and become so much more independent than I was before. I sobbed everywhere in Berlin last night, the S-Bahn, the club, at the farewell dinner, on the streets, it was a mess. I did not think I would be as emotional as I was because I was excited to go home and see my family, but that was just stupid to think.

I am going to miss taking the S1 to Rathaus Steglitz and X-83 to school every day. I am going to miss my friends seeing me die on a treadmill at the gym that swindled us out of our money at the end. I am going to miss cheap alcohol (s/o 5 euro Wodka.) The inside jokes we have are endless, and I cannot express how sad I am that I cannot turn to my roommate and make one and laugh for years about it.

These people picked me up when I was DOWN DOWN. They dealt with the sides of me I hate when they stared at me for a hot sec saying "what is happening what do I do." I will forever cherish the memories of the cities and countries we visited, the hangouts in my apartment, the clubs and bars we went to, Stammtisch especially, and will cherish the moment we're together again.

I miss my dumb homies already. Thank you for an amazing semester it could not have been better.

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