Hey Beautiful,
I’m sorry you’re still waiting. Waiting for what, I don’t know…only you can say for sure. Maybe you’re just waiting for an answer about where to go to college. Waiting to feel better again. Waiting to ask what’s going through that one guy’s head. Waiting for your heart to heal. Waiting for someone to genuinely ask how you’re doing. Waiting to know whether you are supposed to move on or stay patient. I don’t know what you’re waiting for, but if you’re reading this, you’re probably waiting for something.
As a girl who has had to wait on several occasions for several different reasons, I feel qualified to say that I understand that after a while it hurts. It’s painful living in the not knowing, living in the place where you don’t understand and don’t have answers. It’s painful not knowing if or when those answers will ever come at all. I had to wait a year longer than most of my friends before I knew where I wanted to go to college. I had to wait most of my freshman year of college before feeling confident in my major, and even still I hear that it’s likely my major will switch again (I hope not). I had to wait for my dad to be declared cancer-free. I’m still waiting on my heart to heal from deep wounds that are almost a year old now. I’m also still waiting for either clarity or the release to let go in an area of my life that I thought would’ve been cleared up a long time ago. I understand waiting. And I know it gets painful after so long. And I’m sorry.
But I also want to encourage you. Because even though living in the fog of uncertainty can hurt, there’s also a unique beauty to be found there. For in the waiting, our hearts are forced to evaluate what it is we truly want and what is actually most important to us. We are forced to lean not on our own understanding, for we have none to lean on in the first place. Our need for control isn’t met, which means we have to look to the One who is actually in control instead. Waiting strips away our masks, refocuses our eyes on our King, and helps us to grow into more of who we are meant to be. For sometimes growth comes with growing pains. The moon needs time to become full, does it not?
And the waiting won’t last forever. It will end. You will make it through. And you will look back at this time of waiting and see how much you grew. I know that doesn’t help much now as you look at your unanswered questions and feel a whole tornado of emotions and just want the chance to feel like you know what’s happening for once. But this too shall pass, and how very lovely you will be when you emerge on the other side. Your heart will heal. Your path will be revealed. You’ll soon know whether you’re meant to hang on to what you feel or walk forward into new horizons. Take it from me--a girl who’s had to wait before (and in some ways still is waiting)--you’re going to be okay.
In the meantime, keep your eyes fixed on your King, your Abba, your faithful friend. He does not disappoint, and even if the answer isn’t what you expected, it’s because He has better in mind. Hang on, dear one. Stop asking for clarity and start asking for trust. And I hope that you can learn to rejoice in the waiting.
"Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts." - Elisabeth Elliot
